Monday, October 30, 2017

Time is Fluid

     I don't try to understand too much of the Universe at any given moment.  In fact, that fourth dimension of time, that "moment", frustrate me quite a bit.  I automatically dislike science fiction that bases its story on manipulating events through time.  Which is a big deal if you like such stories as Star Trek or even Harry Potter.  I realize it's just my own limited grasp on the subject but when my Obsessive-compulsive Disorder (OCD) kicks in, such issues can wreck a person's enjoyment of an otherwise interesting story.

     I realize authors are simply trying to grasp a very complex subject and make their story interesting but to me, it punches so many holes in it that I either have to turn the OCD off (no easy feat, even with Fluvoxamine) or I have to make leaps of ignorance to enjoy the story and stay in its universe.

     Today I awoke crying about my little cat, Sheena Easton Adams.  I was watching this Dr. Suess movie (I call my dreams movies) and she was scared and alone and unhappy and barely let me catch her because she had gone feral (like she would in real life) and I couldn't fix her.

     For some reason, it mad me think of my own struggle with madness and wondered when my last time would be up.  I thought of the man and woman that seemed to be my mom and my sister and her husband while I was in the loony bin and I wondered if anyone else saw how easily we seem to slide from one realm of sanity to another of madness in the blink of an eye.

     And most importantly, why this new SchizoAffective Disorder (SAD) seemed to frighted even the best of friends.  Why could they not realize that for me, each Universe is as real as the one before it.  Each moment is a different you and a different me and though it's all ONE, I wonder when I'll give up and never return to that Universe of sanity again.

     I miss Sheena (both one and two).  I hope they are happier and safer (where ever they may be) than in my nightmares...

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