Sunday, August 25, 2019


In the beginning was Eniac and it was good!

A computer was defined as a device with input, CPU, and output.

What once filled a room is now held in your hand.  It is as simple as a hand-held calculator.

INPUT:  The keys (numbers, math signs, equal, and clear to name a few).

OUTPUT:  The LCD screen that displays the answer or Error Message.

CPU:  All those vacuum tubes have now become transistors on a circuit board.

From 1 + 8007 = 8008


9 / 0 = Err, 

We no longer worry about a moth shorting out our computer calculator, instead, we worry if there is enough Sun to power its solar batteries.

All in my lifetime.  Alexa, are you listening?  What do you think Watson thinks of all of this?


Sunday, August 11, 2019

The Gift of Gab or How a Manic stage is no longer appreciated...

It is considered impolite if you have the gift of gab and talking incessantly.

Zyprexa is the way they medicate some bipolar's to keep them from thinking, talking, and acting as quickly as their mind is able, which offends people who can not understand mental illnesses like Bipolar or an even more complex version, Schizoaffective Disorder.

It is offensive to interrupt people and ADHD folks have Ritalin for that.

If you have anger or anxiety, Clonazepam or Xanax help with that.

If you are in Pain Management though, you are not allowed to have Flexeril for muscle spasms/pain along with Norco in the above mixture.

It's really my business how my doctors care for me, not the Government but they are constantly sticking their noses in Citizens of USA (whom they work FOR) business.  So the studies I reviewed are simply SUGGESTED GUIDELINES but Pain Management is about covering the Doctor's asses, not MANAGING YOUR PAIN.  In fact, that's the same for most of us.  Me first, then you, the patient.

The studies I read are often based on the conservative side since we can't do human trials YET to see what a 6'1 and 1/2 inch, 300 pound MALE can handle versus a 5' 8", 150 pound FEMALE.

So they err on the Short, Medium weight, female side and include drug-addicts and drug-managed folks who tell the truth or lie from mostly Hospital ER's and Doctor's observations to set guidelines for what can be prescribed pretty much the same for everyone (at least, some of my doctors do).

If I had all proficient, medically capable doctors in my group (General doctor, Pain doctor, Psychiatrist, and Therapist), I would be okay and managed properly but I don't so I'm screwed.

Suffer through the chronic pain baby.  The government is not going to let you have such a dangerous mixture even though you are male, taller than average, and twice the weight of the average male or even more of an average female.  And my life is mine to live as I see fit.





And go fuck yourself...

Thankfully I have many good friends to take care of me along with good doctors.  Bless you all and especially Aisling (sp?) and Brenda (wink).  Love you all!!!


Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Feminine and Masculine Spectrum

     I originally came upon this subject while reading about global tariffs and how far we have to go before we realize we are all "ONE Tribe" and hopefully base it upon Love, Compassion, and Charity instead of Greed and the other Seven deadly sins (Seven deadly sins).

     This lead me to a term I had heard but not bothered to read about before, the "Desert Fathers" (Desert Fathers).  I am quite obsessed with Spirituality though my psychiatrists say both obsession and Spirituality indicate multiple mental illnesses (obsession is known as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), OCD in Spirituality is a symptom of Bipolar disorder).  If you combine that with the belief that you speak to and/or hear messages from your Creator, this is known as Schizoaffective disorder.  I guess most of us are crazy!

     I know I digressed there but since I have been writing about those issues, I take any chance that pops up to discuss mental illnesses.

     So the "Desert Fathers" lead me to one known as the "Father of All Monks" known also as "Anthony the Great" (Saint Anthon).  I was particularly fascinated by the fact that he went to live in a desert as I had.  I lived in Saudi Arabia as a young child though I did not suffer as Anthony did.  During his sojourn in the Egyptian desert, he was tempted by demons (Temptation of Saint Anthony in visual arts) as depicted in the following image:

     All of this caused me to begin reflecting upon history and our struggle for equality.  I began thinking about how much historical evidence implies that the feminine was more revered than it is now and how we still struggle to see everyone on the spectrum as equal.

     A good example was a link I followed while viewing these beautiful images.  The above wall painting is in the Ancient Church of Saint Mary (Santa Maria Antiqua).  I came across a link that was titled "Queen of Heaven" but it sent me to "Maesta" (Majesty) and neither page elaborated on the subject "Queen of Heaven" (Mary, mother of Jesus).

     Some might say this is an oversight and it is possible.  Whether it was intentional or not, it still shows that the feminine aspect of the Creator is not held within most people's thoughts as the masculine.  If it was, it would have and should have been corrected.  Look for the term "Uriel" (Forgotten Arch-Angels) and its meanings as another example and a chance to do a bit of research and reflection on your own.  At one time, why were they unnamed and just Angels in a "Spectrum" just like my subject!

     I know many don't see the importance of recognizing each person's struggle to be respected.  For those that are not cisgender (Birth Gender), the struggle to be recognized properly means a lot to that person.  Just as many hold to the old terms and become angry and frustrated with dealing with this issue, so do those attempting to be seen as they really are.

     Being on the LGBT+ spectrum AND the mental illness spectrum, I struggle with the changes, views, and emotions shared on both subjects.  I often express this with my own therapist and have found the best way to handle things is to laugh them off instead of holding onto all the negative feelings.  After all, I am only hurting us in the process.

     By "us" I mean the explainer and the explainee as well as the mental illness term "schizophrenia".  Since we are both, I have the right to just laugh and let the rest of you wonder what I mean by "we".  The English language is complex and if the term "it" didn't have a lesser importance than "she" or "he", it would be a better term for the rest of the spectrum.  Hopefully, in our struggle for truer and better equality, together we will all find a way to move forward.


Monday, October 30, 2017

Time is Fluid

     I don't try to understand too much of the Universe at any given moment.  In fact, that fourth dimension of time, that "moment", frustrate me quite a bit.  I automatically dislike science fiction that bases its story on manipulating events through time.  Which is a big deal if you like such stories as Star Trek or even Harry Potter.  I realize it's just my own limited grasp on the subject but when my Obsessive-compulsive Disorder (OCD) kicks in, such issues can wreck a person's enjoyment of an otherwise interesting story.

     I realize authors are simply trying to grasp a very complex subject and make their story interesting but to me, it punches so many holes in it that I either have to turn the OCD off (no easy feat, even with Fluvoxamine) or I have to make leaps of ignorance to enjoy the story and stay in its universe.

     Today I awoke crying about my little cat, Sheena Easton Adams.  I was watching this Dr. Suess movie (I call my dreams movies) and she was scared and alone and unhappy and barely let me catch her because she had gone feral (like she would in real life) and I couldn't fix her.

     For some reason, it mad me think of my own struggle with madness and wondered when my last time would be up.  I thought of the man and woman that seemed to be my mom and my sister and her husband while I was in the loony bin and I wondered if anyone else saw how easily we seem to slide from one realm of sanity to another of madness in the blink of an eye.

     And most importantly, why this new SchizoAffective Disorder (SAD) seemed to frighted even the best of friends.  Why could they not realize that for me, each Universe is as real as the one before it.  Each moment is a different you and a different me and though it's all ONE, I wonder when I'll give up and never return to that Universe of sanity again.

     I miss Sheena (both one and two).  I hope they are happier and safer (where ever they may be) than in my nightmares...

Friday, October 20, 2017

Are YOU a doormat?

     Do you let people and companies step all over you, abuse you, or ignore your rights as a decent human?

     I have often done this and have reached my limit and am beginning to push back.  If this seems like I am an asshole, I really don't care anymore.  You shall no longer wipe your feet on me so that you smell like roses and I feel like shit!

     This is just a heads up for the hospitals and doctors and staff as well as car dealers, and any other low-life including but not limited to, so-called friends as well as family that have taken advantage of my laid back nature as if it is a sign of weakness, ignorance, or carelessness.  I'm COMING for you.  You have been warned.  If I am ignored, you shall be too!

     The rainbow dragon has awakened...

Thursday, September 28, 2017

Snap Judgements - a history

I believe we often make snap judgments when meeting people and then don't admit when more information shows we were wrong.  I know I do!

Bipolar folks, ADD/ADHD folks, and such are quick thinkers.  I am a bit quirky myself so I understand. 

But there was a time when we humans lived moment to moment, never knowing when we would be attacked by wild animals or humans from other tribes and we had to make a quick decision on the limited data at hand.  These so-called "mental illnesses" were what kept us and our tribe alive.  We were the super-beings of the tribe.  As I like to call us "Homo Nuevo", New Humans.

Now most folks don't need these abilities and so we are medicated until most all of us have become zombies.  The message is clear.  We are even obsessed with shows about the subject of zombies.  They even eat brains.  We are hard-wired in our brains to be this way.

So instead of simply medicating everyone to the point that they are living-dead and either give up and commit suicide or going berserk and killing someone or being put away in the loony bin like I do; why not find what our special abilities are good for and create special education tracks to help us find our new niche in modern society?

Hang in there my fellow super-beings.  The "ONE Tribe" needs us.  Help is on the way.  It will just take a while.  In the mean time, search for your own HEALTHY answers.  Each one of you is special and loved by someone, maybe someone you don't even know is there thinking about you.  "I" love you.

Ivan J. Adams copyright 2017-10-23

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Party On!!!

There is a word Carl Jung coined, Synchronicity. In my interpretation, it is the belief that instead of going through life with your head up your ass, claiming everything to be coincidence, you've practiced your spiritual beliefs to a point where you are able to see the influence of a higher power in the multiverse and more confidently participate in the creation of that multiverse while in your corporeal form instead of dismissing everything as coincidence.

Being in a constant state of this elevated awareness has become forgotten by most and so re-learning how to attain that state and maintain it is very difficult. In this day of science, unproven things such as synchronicity makes it even harder due to the majority of people not believing (whether it was attained through simple faith or personal observation).

Both paths (blind faith or personal observation) are constantly attacked by even other believers as well as so many non-believers. This can quickly and easily cause the energy to maintain that state to be sucked away. We call these beings "energy vampires". When they disagree and attempt to drain you through any means to create doubt within you, you will find yourself falling out of the moment and going back to sleep like the masses. All I can say is to leave their presence and DON'T GIVE UP your practices.

With that said (and the warning that doubt in your ability and even mine (from publishing this post) will occur), I am going to give you a personal and precious example of this power I believe occurred for me. I don't care if you disagree but I do hope that someone finds comfort that this amazing ability does exist and that we all can do it! NAMASTE!!!

Today my grand-niece posted something that caught my eye because it had a shirtless hairy big man (known in the LGBTQ community as a "bear") on a stage with a microphone. Of course, she had my interest with the shirtless bear but being on stage with a microphone, I just had to know what was going on.

It turned out it was about the mafia so I decided to tell my grand-niece about my mom's fond memories of her party days with the mafia.

My mom loved to party. She worked as a waitress for 16 years and said she would often bring her "club" clothes to work so she could change into her club outfit when her shift was over and head to the club. She would party all night and then head back to work for the next day's shift.

She even told me about one of the gangsters handing her the keys to a brand new Cadillac. She was so excited and ran to show my dad. If you knew my dad, you knew how much he loved my mom and his jealousy was fierce! Without a thought for his life, he told her to return it. So she did with much sadness. Luckily he trusted her enough to let her still go to the clubs and hang out with her gangster friends.

I often just listened, not quite sure how much was true until I rented a movie called "The Cotton Club". See these two links: The movie, The description

My mom was on the edge of her seat as she watched the movie, jumping up and hollering. "I've been there!" she would say or point to a gangster and say "I knew him!". I've never seen her so excited and happy. By the end of the movie, I finally realized this quiet woman that was my mom was a true party girl.

At the time, I was still young and was definitely not a party animal.

When my mom became sick and moved in with me and my partner, Jerry Michael Brown, we had become party animals and my mom was our advisor. From critiquing our club outfits to providing party supplies, she lived her past days again through us. I regret refusing to allow her to come along when she asked to just because I didn't want to be thought of as a "mama's boy". She's okay with that now even if I still cry over it but that's not the point of this story.

Eventually, the cigarettes killed her and I had to lie to her and tell her she could move on because I would be alright without her. I did a good job because her passing was happy and peaceful and she had no clue how sad and frightened I was to lose her.

I was a mess afterwards and didn't want to remain but somehow I did. I did all the things you do after someone dies but I was not aware of much, and barely had the energy for simple tasks. My partner Jerry was just as hurt but helped keep me going. I even bought all my family a copy of the newspaper with her obituary and brought a copy to any family member that wanted it.

This is where the synchronicity began to press upon us all in so many ways and yet it simply passed us all by for the most part. It took years before I finally crawled out of that deep pit of depression and could reminisce about my mom and finally see the hand of the Creator showing me just how powerful he is to speak to all of us all the time in every moment of OUR co-creation of the multiverse.

I sat in my meditation room years later, staring at the front page of the newspaper with my mom's obituary and finally saw it:

Party on

I could go into more detail but either you believe insynchronicity or you don't. It's not an easy path and raising and holding yourself in a heightened level of awareness is something that some devote the focus of their entire life to. In the modern world, we may hope for just an occassional moment but even that can have a profound affect.

We are all One Tribe so from one Divine member to Another Divine member, I wish you love, compassion and success!