Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Never Say Good-bye

Today is my sister's birthday, October 24th. She passed away on November 6th, 2004. So I am in a reminiscent mood. I miss our talks very much. We were always close but didn't talk much until my mom passed on. Then I took up my mom's and sister's weekly talks. It was an excuse to stay in contact and help keep what little sanity I felt I still had. It turned out to be a sort of therapy session for both of us and we grew even closer that ever.

Now that she's passed on, I still have discussions with her but I do so miss her hugs. She was never one for hugging but sometime in the past I learned of the importance of hugging. I started doing this everytime I saw her though she resisted greatly. Realizing that the more she struggled, the longer the hugs lasted, she finally gave in and eventually grew to enjoy them and began passing them on to others. I've always felt it was an important break-through in our therapy for both of us.

I guess I mentioned the hugs because I read something today that said "Hugging for 20 seconds releases Oxytocin, which can make someone trust you more." Of course, I did it because the past information I had read said it helped people though I can't recall the benefits. I believe we are all connected and like batteries, physical contact improves the exchange of that energy. I think they are so important to everyone and we don't do it enough!

I also lost my partner the same year my sister passed on. A friend pointed out to me that I often talk of my partner Jerry as if he were still alive. At first, I apologized but upon reflection realized I don't think of death as an ending but a transition. I still have access to them, just not in a physical way (and I do so miss that as mentioned above about hugs!). I carry on conversations and often share what I perceive with others (which I often forget alarms many and puts me in the "crazy" category! So be it.).

This year, I lost one of my closest friends, Teri Taylor, who was only 38 at the time. It was a stroke and I have been more diligent in taking my blood pressure medicine as a way to learn from her death. I carried out the stuff I had stored in my basement for her yesterday with no intention of going through it or keeping anything. Her family had already gone through the stuff and seemed uninterested in making anymore effort to get the rest.

On the way out to get my empty garbage can, I noticed much had been taken but a few things were left. A wicker basket caught my eye since I often use them for gift baskets and looked inside. There were lots of rainbow beads and a ceramic pumpkin so I took it back inside.

The best trip my friend Teri said she ever took was when I treated her to a trip to New Orleans for Southern Decadence (Gay Mardi Gras). And there were the rainbow beads. The ceramic pumpkin represented Halloween which we both loved to celebrate and were planning on doing so together this year. All in a neat wicker basket like a gift for me.

If you don't see this as syncronicity, I understand. Some messages are too personal. Some people aren't ready to see such connections and prefer to live in the world of science only and call it coincidence. For me though, it has been a good day. Sad though I am, I am also reassured and we can all use a bit of that from time to time.

Thanks for stopping by Teri. You're welcome anytime. Love you and miss your hugs!