Eniac

In the beginning was Eniac and it was good!

ENIAC - Electronic Numerical Integrator and Computer

A computer was defined as a device with input, CPU, and output.

What once filled a room is now held in your hand.  It is as simple as a hand-held calculator.

INPUT:  The keys (numbers, math signs, equal, and clear to name a few).

OUTPUT:  The LCD screen that displays the answer or Error Message.

CPU:  All those vacuum tubes have now become transistors on a circuit board.

From 1 + 8007 = 8008

     to 

9 / 0 = Err, 

We no longer worry about a moth shorting out our computer calculator, instead, we worry if there is enough Sun to power its solar batteries.

All in my lifetime.  Alexa, are you listening?  What do you think Watson thinks of all of this?

Namaste.

The Gift of Gab or How a Manic stage is no longer appreciated...

It is considered impolite if you have the gift of gab and talking incessantly.

Zyprexa is the way they medicate some bipolar's to keep them from thinking, talking, and acting as quickly as their mind is able, which offends people who can not understand mental illnesses like Bipolar or an even more complex version, Schizoaffective Disorder.

It is offensive to interrupt people and ADHD folks have Ritalin for that.

If you have anger or anxiety, Clonazepam or Xanax help with that.

If you are in Pain Management though, you are not allowed to have Flexeril for muscle spasms/pain along with Norco in the above mixture.

It's really my business how my doctors care for me, not the Government but they are constantly sticking their noses in Citizens of USA (whom they work FOR) business.  So the studies I reviewed are simply SUGGESTED GUIDELINES but Pain Management is about covering the Doctor's asses, not MANAGING YOUR PAIN.  In fact, that's the same for most of us.  Me first, then you, the patient.

The studies I read are often based on the conservative side since we can't do human trials YET to see what a 6'1 and 1/2 inch, 300 pound MALE can handle versus a 5' 8", 150 pound FEMALE.

So they err on the Short, Medium weight, female side and include drug-addicts and drug-managed folks who tell the truth or lie from mostly Hospital ER's and Doctor's observations to set guidelines for what can be prescribed pretty much the same for everyone (at least, some of my doctors do).

If I had all proficient, medically capable doctors in my group (General doctor, Pain doctor, Psychiatrist, and Therapist), I would be okay and managed properly but I don't so I'm screwed.

Suffer through the chronic pain baby.  The government is not going to let you have such a dangerous mixture even though you are male, taller than average, and twice the weight of the average male or even more of an average female.  And my life is mine to live as I see fit.

sUfFeR!!!!!!!!!!

suffer!!!!!!!!!!

Suffer!!!!!!!!!!!

SUFFER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And go fuck yourself...

Thankfully I have many good friends to take care of me along with good doctors.  Bless you all and especially Aisling (sp?) and Brenda (wink).  Love you all!!!

Namaste.

Feminine and Masculine Spectrum

     I originally came upon this subject while reading about global tariffs and how far we have to go before we realize we are all "ONE Tribe" and hopefully base it upon Love, Compassion, and Charity instead of Greed and the other Seven deadly sins (Seven deadly sins).

     This lead me to a term I had heard but not bothered to read about before, the "Desert Fathers" (Desert Fathers).  I am quite obsessed with Spirituality though my psychiatrists say both obsession and Spirituality indicate multiple mental illnesses (obsession is known as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), OCD in Spirituality is a symptom of Bipolar disorder).  If you combine that with the belief that you speak to and/or hear messages from your Creator, this is known as Schizoaffective disorder.  I guess most of us are crazy!

     I know I digressed there but since I have been writing about those issues, I take any chance that pops up to discuss mental illnesses.

     So the "Desert Fathers" lead me to one known as the "Father of All Monks" known also as "Anthony the Great" (Saint Anthon).  I was particularly fascinated by the fact that he went to live in a desert as I had.  I lived in Saudi Arabia as a young child though I did not suffer as Anthony did.  During his sojourn in the Egyptian desert, he was tempted by demons (Temptation of Saint Anthony in visual arts) as depicted in the following image:

     All of this caused me to begin reflecting upon history and our struggle for equality.  I began thinking about how much historical evidence implies that the feminine was more revered than it is now and how we still struggle to see everyone on the spectrum as equal.

     A good example was a link I followed while viewing these beautiful images.  The above wall painting is in the Ancient Church of Saint Mary (Santa Maria Antiqua).  I came across a link that was titled "Queen of Heaven" but it sent me to "Maesta" (Majesty) and neither page elaborated on the subject "Queen of Heaven" (Mary, mother of Jesus).

     Some might say this is an oversight and it is possible.  Whether it was intentional or not, it still shows that the feminine aspect of the Creator is not held within most people's thoughts as the masculine.  If it was, it would have and should have been corrected.  Look for the term "Uriel" (Forgotten Arch-Angels) and its meanings as another example and a chance to do a bit of research and reflection on your own.  At one time, why were they unnamed and just Angels in a "Spectrum" just like my subject!

     I know many don't see the importance of recognizing each person's struggle to be respected.  For those that are not cisgender (Birth Gender), the struggle to be recognized properly means a lot to that person.  Just as many hold to the old terms and become angry and frustrated with dealing with this issue, so do those attempting to be seen as they really are.


     Being on the LGBT+ spectrum AND the mental illness spectrum, I struggle with the changes, views, and emotions shared on both subjects.  I often express this with my own therapist and have found the best way to handle things is to laugh them off instead of holding onto all the negative feelings.  After all, I am only hurting us in the process.

     By "us" I mean the explainer and the explainee as well as the mental illness term "schizophrenia".  Since we are both, I have the right to just laugh and let the rest of you wonder what I mean by "we".  The English language is complex and if the term "it" didn't have a lesser importance than "she" or "he", it would be a better term for the rest of the spectrum.  Hopefully, in our struggle for truer and better equality, together we will all find a way to move forward.

Namaste.