Monday, October 30, 2017

Time is Fluid

     I don't try to understand too much of the Universe at any given moment.  In fact, that fourth dimension of time, that "moment", frustrate me quite a bit.  I automatically dislike science fiction that bases its story on manipulating events through time.  Which is a big deal if you like such stories as Star Trek or even Harry Potter.  I realize it's just my own limited grasp on the subject but when my Obsessive-compulsive Disorder (OCD) kicks in, such issues can wreck a person's enjoyment of an otherwise interesting story.

     I realize authors are simply trying to grasp a very complex subject and make their story interesting but to me, it punches so many holes in it that I either have to turn the OCD off (no easy feat, even with Fluvoxamine) or I have to make leaps of ignorance to enjoy the story and stay in its universe.

     Today I awoke crying about my little cat, Sheena Easton Adams.  I was watching this Dr. Suess movie (I call my dreams movies) and she was scared and alone and unhappy and barely let me catch her because she had gone feral (like she would in real life) and I couldn't fix her.

     For some reason, it mad me think of my own struggle with madness and wondered when my last time would be up.  I thought of the man and woman that seemed to be my mom and my sister and her husband while I was in the loony bin and I wondered if anyone else saw how easily we seem to slide from one realm of sanity to another of madness in the blink of an eye.

     And most importantly, why this new SchizoAffective Disorder (SAD) seemed to frighted even the best of friends.  Why could they not realize that for me, each Universe is as real as the one before it.  Each moment is a different you and a different me and though it's all ONE, I wonder when I'll give up and never return to that Universe of sanity again.

     I miss Sheena (both one and two).  I hope they are happier and safer (where ever they may be) than in my nightmares...

Friday, October 20, 2017

Are YOU a doormat?

     Do you let people and companies step all over you, abuse you, or ignore your rights as a decent human?

     I have often done this and have reached my limit and am beginning to push back.  If this seems like I am an asshole, I really don't care anymore.  You shall no longer wipe your feet on me so that you smell like roses and I feel like shit!

     This is just a heads up for the hospitals and doctors and staff as well as car dealers, and any other such low-life that has taken advantage of my laid back nature as if it is a sign of weakness, ignorance, or carelessness.  I'm COMING for you.  You have been warned.

     The rainbow dragon has awakened...

Thursday, September 28, 2017

Snap Judgements - a history

I believe we often make snap judgments when meeting people and then don't admit when more information shows we were wrong.  I know I do!

Bipolar folks, ADD/ADHD folks, and such are quick thinkers.  I am a bit quirky myself so I understand. 

But there was a time when we humans lived moment to moment, never knowing when we would be attacked by wild animals or humans from other tribes and we had to make a quick decision on the limited data at hand.  These so-called "mental illnesses" were what kept us and our tribe alive.  We were the super-beings of the tribe.  As I like to call us "Homo Nuevo", New Humans.

Now most folks don't need these abilities and so we are medicated until most all of us have become zombies.  The message is clear.  We are even obsessed with shows about the subject of zombies.  They even eat brains.  We are hard-wired in our brains to be this way.

So instead of simply medicating everyone to the point that they are living-dead and either give up and commit suicide or going berserk and killing someone or being put away in the loony bin like I do; why not find what our special abilities are good for and create special education tracks to help us find our new niche in modern society?

Hang in there my fellow super-beings.  The "ONE Tribe" needs us.  Help is on the way.  It will just take a while.  In the mean time, search for your own HEALTHY answers.  Each one of you is special and loved by someone, maybe someone you don't even know is there thinking about you.  "I" love you.

Ivan J. Adams copyright 2017-10-23

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Party On!!!

There is a word Carl Jung coined, Synchronicity. In my interpretation, it is the belief that instead of going through life with your head up your ass, claiming everything to be coincidence, you've practiced your spiritual beliefs to a point where you are able to see the influence of a higher power in the multiverse and more confidently participate in the creation of that multiverse while in your corporeal form instead of dismissing everything as coincidence.

Being in a constant state of this elevated awareness has become forgotten by most and so re-learning how to attain that state and maintain it is very difficult. In this day of science, unproven things such as synchronicity makes it even harder due to the majority of people not believing (whether it was attained through simple faith or personal observation).

Both paths (blind faith or personal observation) are constantly attacked by even other believers as well as so many non-believers. This can quickly and easily cause the energy to maintain that state to be sucked away. We call these beings "energy vampires". When they disagree and attempt to drain you through any means to create doubt within you, you will find yourself falling out of the moment and going back to sleep like the masses. All I can say is to leave their presence and DON'T GIVE UP your practices.

With that said (and the warning that doubt in your ability and even mine (from publishing this post) will occur), I am going to give you a personal and precious example of this power I believe occurred for me. I don't care if you disagree but I do hope that someone finds comfort that this amazing ability does exist and that we all can do it! NAMASTE!!!

Today my grand-niece posted something that caught my eye because it had a shirtless hairy big man (known in the LGBTQ community as a "bear") on a stage with a microphone. Of course, she had my interest with the shirtless bear but being on stage with a microphone, I just had to know what was going on.

It turned out it was about the mafia so I decided to tell my grand-niece about my mom's fond memories of her party days with the mafia.

My mom loved to party. She worked as a waitress for 16 years and said she would often bring her "club" clothes to work so she could change into her club outfit when her shift was over and head to the club. She would party all night and then head back to work for the next day's shift.

She even told me about one of the gangsters handing her the keys to a brand new Cadillac. She was so excited and ran to show my dad. If you knew my dad, you knew how much he loved my mom and his jealousy was fierce! Without a thought for his life, he told her to return it. So she did with much sadness. Luckily he trusted her enough to let her still go to the clubs and hang out with her gangster friends.

I often just listened, not quite sure how much was true until I rented a movie called "The Cotton Club". See these two links: The movie, The description

My mom was on the edge of her seat as she watched the movie, jumping up and hollering. "I've been there!" she would say or point to a gangster and say "I knew him!". I've never seen her so excited and happy. By the end of the movie, I finally realized this quiet woman that was my mom was a true party girl.

At the time, I was still young and was definitely not a party animal.

When my mom became sick and moved in with me and my partner, Jerry Michael Brown, we had become party animals and my mom was our advisor. From critiquing our club outfits to providing party supplies, she lived her past days again through us. I regret refusing to allow her to come along when she asked to just because I didn't want to be thought of as a "mama's boy". She's okay with that now even if I still cry over it but that's not the point of this story.

Eventually, the cigarettes killed her and I had to lie to her and tell her she could move on because I would be alright without her. I did a good job because her passing was happy and peaceful and she had no clue how sad and frightened I was to lose her.

I was a mess afterwards and didn't want to remain but somehow I did. I did all the things you do after someone dies but I was not aware of much, and barely had the energy for simple tasks. My partner Jerry was just as hurt but helped keep me going. I even bought all my family a copy of the newspaper with her obituary and brought a copy to any family member that wanted it.

This is where the synchronicity began to press upon us all in so many ways and yet it simply passed us all by for the most part. It took years before I finally crawled out of that deep pit of depression and could reminisce about my mom and finally see the hand of the Creator showing me just how powerful he is to speak to all of us all the time in every moment of OUR co-creation of the multiverse.

I sat in my meditation room years later, staring at the front page of the newspaper with my mom's obituary and finally saw it:

Party on

I could go into more detail but either you believe insynchronicity or you don't. It's not an easy path and raising and holding yourself in a heightened level of awareness is something that some devote the focus of their entire life to. In the modern world, we may hope for just an occassional moment but even that can have a profound affect.

We are all One Tribe so from one Divine member to Another Divine member, I wish you love, compassion and success!

Sunday, February 12, 2017


Me and my sister

The first (and last) time I went to a funeral home was when my neighbor was killed in an accident. He worked with the county maintaining our dirt roads and was run over and mauled by a road grader. It was a closed casket.

His one son was so distraught over his father's death that he hugged the coffin, bawling, and often making them open it up so he could see his father, no matter how bad he looked. I did not see him and did not want to and left as soon as I could get away.

The graveside service was even worse, for now his entire family was in tears and I felt helpless. I just wanted to run away and cry myself for all the pain I was feeling from everyone.

After that, I didn't go to wakes any more. I knew so many would think I didn't care but I simply could not handle the emotions and did not want the last image of someone in my mind to be of them laying dead and pumped full of chemicals. My spirituality does not believe in doing such things so I follow my own rituals instead.

What my mom's urn looked like (my partner Jerry picked it out)

When my partner died and was cremated (a change in his beliefs because of me sharing my own spirituality with him), his family asked me to preside over the graveside burial since he still wanted to be buried at the foot of his mother's grave, which I understood. It was a very touching request to perform the ceremony by a wonderful family that had welcomed me in as their own. It was only my second time to be in a cemetery.

Jerry Michael Brown

Jerry Michael Brown's grave

As I found myself driving back out to his grave so many times, I began to understand the various rituals of death. It gave me great comfort to be able to go to the grave sites of my partner Jerry, my mother Marge, my father Al, and even my little cat Sheena Easton Adams. My sister's ashes have yet to be released and I am waiting very impatiently for that to happen.

Now as the years go by, I am finding so many places to visit and it is hard to do at times. I know I can commune with the other side where ever I am but I like going outdoors to do so.

Another dear friend, Cameron Marsh, has passed away and the synchronicity is amazing. Synchronicity was one of the BIG topics he and I talked about often. It was as if he was trying to show me the things we believed in were so true. On January 28th, 2017, the Chinese New Year is celebrated. The scent associated with bringing in the Chinese New Year of the Rooster was said to be Sandalwood. A very sacred scent that Cameron and I had talked about.

The above image is of the bottle of Sandalwood that Cameron gave to me as a present. I went looking for the bottle the day before, January 27th, in order to have it for the next day. So of course, Cameron was on my mind and I had a stronger nagging intuition to call him as I had since our last talk. As is typical, I was not in the moment and ignoring those inner voices as most of us usually do.

Ten next day I began burning the Sandalwood throughout the house and then logged on to facebook only to discover Cameron had passed away the day before. And I realized what my procrastination and ignoring those whispers from the other side had cost me. I could no longer call him on his phone or see him in his corporeal form.

I didn't go to the funeral but as I looked up the map location, I discovered the service was held in Warrior, Alabama. The next town up from where my partner, Jerry Michael Brown lived when I met him. Then I called the funeral home to find the address of the cemetery and discovered I would pass by where another dear friend, Teri Taylor, lived when Jerry and I had met her. She is another dear young friend that passed on too early in life.

Teri Taylor

It would seem to be a small world. Cameron and I would tell you it is synchronicity. For those that are curious, read "Journey of Souls".

Journey of Souls link:

So here I am, needing to visit another close friends burial (having skipped the service) and still waiting to release Sister Sheena II Adams' ashes who died on June 20th, 2016, where my mother and our previous cat, Sheena Easton Adams are buried deep in the sacred woods.

My last cat, Sister Sheena II Adams

For me, no tombstone is necessary. Those that know remember, and once forgotten, it no longer matters. We will be doing other things by then.

Elaine (Cameron's mom) and Cameron Marsh

Instead of graves and tombstones, please take time TODAY to find comfort in friends and family.
Cameron, see you on the flip side and Namaste!

P.S. from Cameron: