Sunday, September 30, 2012

Holier than thou

One of the things I've come to accept is how important it is to be present in the real world. In this modern day of the internet and the many gadgets that allow us to disconnect, I make an effort to minimize this.

The reason is that I struggled for a long time with a desire to leave an impact on the world. Something that would last and that I would be remembered by. My guides told me not to worry so much about this and instead realize the importance of being aware and present for my world tribe. To listen, to learn, to share, and to guide.

Having grown up in the south, namely Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama, I was exposed to a lot of various Christian faiths. The fact that there were so many with such different views is one of the first things that gave me the courage to find my own calling, the Church of ONE. Me. Yup, from preacher to parishiner, I do it all.

When I began encountering so many that tried hard to frighten me or shame me into thinking I was so lost and they were so found, I saw through to this self-rightous belief and for a while, turned my back on all spirituality.

I imersered myself in college and lived a life of science and facts. Even as logical as I was though, the right side of my brain kept pointing things out that the equations just didn't seem to be able to account for.

So once I graduated, I began spending a lot of time with nature. We lived at the end of the road surrounded by farms and pine trees. I began to remember how much I loved that connection to the world and the beautiful trees and parks are what caused me to take a lower paying job in Birmingham and I have always felt I am right where I should be.

Recently, I met a lady I call my teacher. She is wise and loving and supporting. I didn't realize I could love a person so quickly but she means very much to me. She's given me the courage to be myself and has even helped me to be present for those even she has little patience for.

So when someone comes up to me with a desire to talk about Spirituality, I work very hard to remain open as the dialogue changes from an exchange of ideas to them looking down upon me as someone they perceive to be so lost and ignorant. I find it very draining just to let them preach but from my perscpective, they are so brainwashed into believing they have all the answers, it isn't worth my time or energy to attempt to drawn the conversation back to an exchange of ideas.

I resist closing these people out because we are all one tribe and sometimes a person just needs someone to talk to. I left the conversation feeling better for the exchange we did have though it did take some time to sort through their condescention and return to my own center but I was happy I stuck with it. It wss good practice. Learning when to listen and when to speak. Learning and teaching. And just being present.

And as for the guy that is getting his friends to pray for me, as I said, the more the merrier. Though he may find the prayers he sends my way enrich me in ways he didn't intend. But I do appreciate the boost!


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