Tuesday, April 16, 2013

A foot in both worlds

Have you ever noticed how readily some people accept unusual events and others seem quite adamant to explain them in scientific terms?

As I grew up, I was very much the type of person that liked to have an explanation for everything, firmly rooted in science. Neither one of my parents had a very good education and I believe that is why they often messed with me instead of giving me straight answers. They often didn't know the answer so they made up funny ones to hide their limitations. That way, when I found out the real answer, they could just laugh off the one they had given me.

They did encouraged me to seek out the answer for myself and provided me with resources to do so. This began with encouraging me to read and providing me with lots of reading material. They bought me a set of Compton's Encyclopedias some time around starting school and as college neared, a set of Encyclopedia Britannica's was added. They might not know the answer but they wanted to help me find it.

But all along the way, I encountered things that science could not answer to my satisfaction. As I got older, though my education continued, I seemed to have more mysteries instead of less. For a while, I dismissed those things I could not explain with explanations like coincidence or simply the limits of my own intelligence. I was determined to remaine firmly rooted in the analytical no matter how many whispers I heard to the contrary.

In my teen years, these unexplainable events seemed to happen more. I think sharing these with my parents is what lead them to discuss mental illness. The things I observed at times obviously seemed crazy and this disturbed my parents. I recall getting lectures about keeping certain observations and such to myself that were unusual.

They emphasized that these experiences were not normal and might be considered crazy, which was a bad thing. Even going to a therapist or psychiatrist was a bad thing that could create a very undesirable stigma around a person.

Oddly enough though, my father decided to take me to a psychiatrist at the University when I was in the eight grade for a variety of psychological and I.Q. tests. He never did say why he did this. It may have been just to get an idea of my intelligence but I know a lot of other tests were also included. I wonder now if they were noticing I was different somehow and were trying to at least keep me from exhibiting unusual behaviors in public. What those were, if any, I still have not entirely figured out.

During my first years in college, I suppressed my spiritual side but after a while, I found this to be a very boring existence. I liked the belief that the world had mysteries and possibly even things science could not explain ever. As I began to pursue my spiritual studies, I finally began to open up to the possibility of the unusual occurring to myself and more importantly, to others.

My first metaphysical teacher had explained how we arrive open to everything that happens to us on so many levels. As we grow, through our own observations and interactions with the world and what others tell us, that world usually begins to become smaller and more defined as we dismiss those things we can't explain. His teachings helped me to stop that contraction and even reverse it.

Now, I don't spend so much time trying to define everything in my world. I especially try not to deny those things I don't understand. I usually try to avoid spending too much time and energy explaining my view to those that are still rooted in science or their own beliefs. I find they drain me and cause me to doubt and I really to have the time and energy to waste on such debates and negativity.

It may mean I'm labeled "crazy" but I am use to that by now. I am annoyed when folks that claim to have their own unusual experiences think they're okay but I'm not but I do understand. They just haven't made that next step back into a larger world. I know how hard it was for me to take that leap so I have to try to give others a bit of slack n their journey.

I often imagined myself walking on the edge of a cliff, with a vast dark nothingness I seemed to be always about to fall into to on my left and a flat barren landscape on my right. It was as if I had to choose, sane or not. There was no grey area, no room for both.

I still remember this image in my mind but what I actually imagine now is a world where both exist in a cacophony of interwoven multi-layers. I try hard not walk too far into either world but remain open to both. It makes my world just a bit more magical than it used to be.

Hopefully, more folks will have the courage to walk their own path, making the world a bit more magical, one by one. Someday, it will be safer to share that view openly and we can all lighten up and enjoy ourselves and this wonderful, magical world we all live in...together.

No comments:

Post a Comment