Thursday, May 20, 2021

ChAnGe and A Blessing.

 As we move into a global communication network,

We will see the struggles for Good versus Evil become more intense as well as sublime.

We each define these terms just as we define compassion for those not like ourselves.

Charity especially, is so terribly subjective from our own personal Greed.

Whether it is because we must put food on the table,

A roof over our heads,

A way to travel,

Ourselves, children, family, friends, neighbors, communities and the World all have to be prioritized according to the wealth we are comfortable with accumulating versus sharing.

Perhaps think upon these things as you read the following blessing:


Ein SOF:

Above and Below,

Within and Without,

To Infinity and Beyond,

Bless this place,

these beings,

this moment,

With Good



Charity and


Send Good Blessings,

Bless me,

Bless you,

Bless us,

Our Avatars, Jesus, Buddha, Bodhisattvas,

Angels, Saints, Spirits,

Our Ancestors and Mighty Dead,

Fairy Folk and other realms,

Light, Shadow, Dark,

Empower us to be vessels for Good Love and Compassion and Justice and Charity,

To Infinity and Beyond,

Blessed Be, Namaste and Amen.

2021-May-20th Ivan J. Adams.

Think upon such words as "Love" and "Good" from what they mean to "you" versus "me" or "us".  Are we all of like minds in wealth or charity?  What is Good from my Spiritual standpoint versus yours and theirs? Religious and Political views are a very good examples when using generalizations and assumptions about the terms "me", "you", "us", "them".

The term I came up with, I.T., the Intelligent Totality is in itself interesting with the more broad terms of it, she, he and they.  I am comfortable with any but I respect each persons path and the struggle for their own personal identity.  It is hard to remember, but eventually, as we respect each individual's path, this too shall pass.


Saturday, April 17, 2021

The dilemma that is CLEAN UNDERWARE!!!

 Some that know me are aware of my many "issues".  Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is one of them although you may agree with me that it's not always a disorder, instead more of a DESIRE-FOR-order!!!

So, yesterday I finally solved a mystery that is common at the Rainbow Dragon's Lair.  Things going missing in this dungeon of a house no matter how many times I walk RIGHT PAST THEM!!!  It's what I call "selective-seeing", similar to what most spouses, parents, and children are often accused of having, "selective-hearing"! (But that's an "issue" for another blog...fight among yourselves about it for now)

Let's backtrack a bit.

Some folks might see my desire to hang all hangers in the closet with the open hook facing in as an OCD trait that's not an issue.  Others even say my desire to have all my shirts on those hangers facing the same way is okay too.  You might even like a particular hanger that has indentions to catch the sleeves from falling off.  OCD boys and girls!!!  

Now, here's where it begins to get a bit cray-cray with me.

I will give away any hangers that are not white.  Also, any that are smooth without the above indentions.  AND, if I can't find one, I will get in my car at ANY time and drive across town to get the SAME brand at the only 24-hour store that sells them!!!  And yes, since COVID-19, the fact that I don't have access to a 24-hour store has caused my use of Xanax to go through the roof!

I also like a different hanger for heavy pants and of course, they DO have to all face the same way when hung.  Also, due to the ADHD (also known as "selective-seeing", "selective-hearing", etc.), I may pick up the WRONG hangers at the store 50 miles away and have to drive back and get the right ones (all the time annoyed there is no one at customer service to return the wrong ones at 3AM).

So, don't laugh at me when I talk to you about underwear UNLESS you have NO OCD traits!!!

Here we go.

I wash underwear twice.  They're the dirtiest part of clothing unless you re-use pads (you know somebody does it).  Ever heard of a man-pon?  Also, if I run out, I am more likely to go buy more underwear than do a load of wash.  And here's where yesterday's mystery was solved.

I have reached maximum capacity for my drawers drawer.  I can no longer fit them all in one dresser drawer.  It's time to sort and discard but now that I have over 50 pairs, I have been avoiding it.  As it turns out, I have so many pairs of drawers (underwear), I can misplace half of them and not notice...much.

So in a rare mood of energy and little back pain, I began putting all my washed clothes away from the basement.  And discovered underneath a clean set of bedsheets in one of my many hampers (washing can become an OCD issue), I found the other half of my underwear that had been sitting in the basement FOR MONTHS!!!

Although I did consider re-washing them due to loss of "fresh-scent", I decided, being single, I was the only one that would be smelling them so the fading fresh-scent was fine.  I still can't fit them all in the one drawer and I have no room for another dresser (I am still considering this option, I kid you not!).

At the moment, my preferences are for Hanes, Boxers, Colored (I'd like all-black to hide racing stripes but it's too cost-prohibitive) but I may go back to white briefs so I can bleach them bad-boys extra clean!   

Now come on, what are your OCD "issues", healthy or not (who's to judge? LOL)?

Hope this gave you a chuckle.


Thursday, July 16, 2020

Obesity - The Shame that is still Politically Correct

In February of 2019, I had 2/3 of my stomach removed in a medical procedure called a gastric sleeve.  It has risks but so did my morbid obesity, high blood pressure, diabetes and chronic back pain (just to name a few issues!).

I had planned this for many years.  I had tried everything and due to even MORE medical issues, I kept failing.  As my weight crept up towards 400 (Sam's Higi station recorded my high as 369, at home, I recorded it as 378), I realized I needed help.  

I was ashamed of having failed at eating properly and exercising and having to also admit I needed help.  I was ashamed because fat was equated with laziness  My Hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating) increased with my obesity and was equated with uncleanliness.  Having to take insulin compounded the issue that most doctors don't understand, that taking insulin makes you hungry.  So you eat, take insulin to process the food, and become hungry again in a vicious cycle!

Supposedly (research continues), many of the hunger hormones are produced in the stomach of which 2/3 are removed.  I can tell you, my constant hunger went away after surgery.  I still had an addiction to sugar AND food which I had to be aware of but now I had a fighting chance.

I still have issues that complicate my weight loss, but I also have days where I am INSULIN FREE!!!  That's right, through diet and exercise, I can go from 75 UNITS (about 5 times the average PER MEAL, 4 times a day (300 UNITS of 70/30 Insulin or more a day)) to NO INSULIN.  Even when I do need it, it is less than half of the 75 units I was taking!!!

Other medications have also decreased as I began to lose weight, dropping below 300 pounds!  Simply by changing my diet and no longer being so hungry.

I should have tried to introduce exercise earlier after the gastric sleeve surgery but I was tired and walking hurt so I didn't do so.  I fell back into my old ways, enjoying processed foods and fast food and my weight slowly began creeping up until I finally added walking to the mix.

I am still struggling with portion control and pleasure foods.  It is not a simple fix.  It is a tool to help you help yourself.  I am so afraid of failure and disappointing people that may know of my procedure that I have not said anything.

Today I mowed almost all my lawn, front and back.  It's the most I have done at one time in probably 10 or more years!  I don't know how successful I will be or how much I may lose but I still believe I made the right decision and for others considering this option, I can tell you more, but bottom line, I would do it again only sooner!

For those of you that look down on fat people as lazy or dirty, still politically correct to make fun of, shame on you!  It hurts us and does nothing but send us further into depression which we soothe with the chemicals released by eating.  If you're not going to support us, than to coin a phrase I created, STFU!!!

Stay strong friends, help is out there!

Monday, June 22, 2020


In this time of strife, I've been quiet and avoided blogging. Everyone seems quite polarized in their feelings and I understand that. I think the particular issues right now are being discussed ad nauseum, even platitudes have become hollow, so I decided to go out on a tangent.  Philosophy.

Evil versus Good.  Chaos versus Order.  Sad versus Happy. Things like that.  If we are a mirror of Creation, does that mean these things are part of a greater whole or can they exist separately?

Many stories of Creation talk of these traits coming from a single source but they could indeed come from separate sources, commingling or exchanging states like pieces in a great game of life.

In my own view, it seems polar opposites would lead to a very boring existence. Supposedly, in some versions of the big bang theory, a change in the perfect balance of everything was what caused the Creation of our Universe.

I don't know if there is a place where Evil is preferred. I do believe it resides in most of us but in this area of this Universe, Good and Happy seem to be preferred.

The problem is, we each define these preferred states differently. Just look at how many laws we have and how often we argue about them and change them.

There are areas of our world way beyond comfortable, safe and healthy capacity.  Yet, we continue to spread even as plagues erupt due to overpopulation. So people suffer from such things as disease and starvation, often dying.

Some of us think they got what they deserved for whatever twisted reasoning we have used to feel okay with such thoughts because we keep that reasoning secret.

But if we really are known even to the core of our thoughts by some entity or entities, will there really be NO consequences? Even if it's a lesson instead of a punishment, convincing ourselves what we reasoned to be right but knew was really wrong, simply wasted time fooling no one.

We just languished in a state of false righteousness. The bill is still due. Life is change. Be the change you KNOW SHOULD BE in the world.


Thursday, April 23, 2020

COVID-19 Sufferers...Hang in there!!!

At first, I joked along with many others even as people were dying.  I'm sorry.  Finding humor at the expense of others feelings is never good.  It hurts and depending on how dire that person's circumstances are, it could even kill.

There are many poor people even in our own nation.  Forcing people not to work will cost jobs, housing, cars, and food to name a few of the important things.  I know it is a risk to allow people to decide for themselves if what they do is essential, but it is their right to choose that danger.

If you live near quick cash or pawn shops, I hope you realize; they are not even living from paycheck to paycheck.  Many of their lives are at a point where they have to borrow already to make ends meet.  Those living paycheck to paycheck (and I don't mean government checks like retirees), are not far behind.

Can you imagine the stress they are under?  Why do you think alcohol and marijuana dispensaries have seen a rise in business?  People are self-medicating in an attempt to get away from the stress for even a short time.  Perhaps even pushing off very dark thoughts for just ONE MORE DAY.

Perhaps instead of jokes, we could post words of charity, hope, and love.  Let even people we don't know, WE CARE.  A smile or thumbs up to a stranger, charity without judgement, a kind word or an open ear.

And for those in trouble, it's okay to ask in private or any other way.  In a nation such as ours, people should not have to suffer hunger or housing but I know they do.  We are not where we should be as a nation but I do have hope that we will eventually focus on bringing each other UP and getting closer to that ideal.


Tuesday, March 17, 2020

Diabetes and mental health issues

After my blood sugar spiked to over 1400 and a dear friend came running to check on me, I realized it would be a good discussion to share with family, friends and other folks curious about this disease.

It becomes more complicated when you have mental illnesses that have similar symptoms.  Quickly and accurately diagnosing the real problem can be the difference between life and death.

I am not a medical professional, so what I am documenting here is my own views on how I handle my health issues.

First, for me, having low blood sugar is the most dangerous diabetic event since it can quickly lead to death.

Low blood sugar occurs if I don't eat on a regular basis or take too much insulin.  Many things affect how well my body uses insulin to process carbohydrates/sugars.  Being more active such as going for a walk can drastically reduce the insulin needed and cause me to crash ( where my blood sugar drops below 100 or so).  Stress can affect it as well, causing my body to not use the insulin or take much longer than normal to do so.  Using different sites to inject the insulin can sometimes affect it's absorbtion. So I usually dose low and then test again in a few hours and do an additional shot if my blood sugar is still high.

Since having weight loss surgery, I am eating one-third to one-half what I used to eat and my Insulin has also dropped. Some meals, I require NO insulin!!!!!!!!!

The symptoms of low blood sugar (a crash) vary as to when (what level my blood sugar is at) they occur and how severe they are. Also, if I am sitting, they are not as obvious. Standing requires more energy, so sweating and shaking occur more strongly and more quickly.

There have been times when I crash as my blood sugar dips below 100 to around 85. I have also been unaffected by a blood sugar as low as 45!

I also sweat more than average and sweating is a good indicator that I am crashing.  Sweating is compounded by anxiety and being hot natured.  These issues make me irritable (which also causes me to sweat), so determining why I am sweating is very confusing and dangerous.

At this point in a crash, I can also become argumentative which is also part of my nature, so this makes helping me even more challenging.

The best thing is to ask me to test my blood sugar.  If I do, it should be above 100 for me. If lower, give something with sugar in it. If I don't want to test, then just offer me some sugar (coke, juice, candy).

I can also become confused and forgetful, which are also issues I deal with from other mental problems. I can have sugar within reach and not remember that I do. Try to stay calm.

My family has dealt with this for a long time and I need to say, their shift into emergency mode and helping me recover is truly heart warming!

Although a sugar high is problematic, it is not as dangerous for me.

I become tired, even passing out.  Leaving my blood sugar high stresses my pancreas which can lead to pancreatitis and the need to be hospitalized. This too has occurred a few times but I am managing these highs much better. Since I live alone, I have to keep my blood sugar closer to normal since I am the only one taking care of me.

Depression, mania, anxiety, ADHD, mild narcolepsy, high blood pressure (to name a few) have many of the same symptoms.  Loss of memory, loss of focus, shaking, stuttering, sweating, feeling heavy, excessive tiredness, argumentativeness, and anger are some of the more common issues that are also signs of a diabetic issue.

So that gives you some understanding of my struggle with diabetes and mental health issues.
Feel free to add your own personal observations and post questions on the subject of diabetes and mental health.

Thanks for your interest and your care!


Tuesday, February 18, 2020

Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes. Knees and Toes...

Or the more modern version:  "Lips, Chests, Crotch and Butts.  Crotch and Butts..."

Whether it's duck lips, v-necks stretching below the navel, pajamas without underwear, and pants below your butts to Burkas; Times are a changing!!!

Having struggled with my weight since my early teens, I know the struggle of fat-shaming and wearing baggy clothes.  It's one of those politically correct issues yet to be conquered.  

I am in the middle from modesty to being politically correct.  I don't think you need or want to see my ass or tell my religion by my skin-tight clothes.  If sexuality didn't lead to unprotected sex and unplanned pregnancies, I'd be less concerned about how "in-your-face" it is.

Boys and girls are affected by this as well as being considerate of others.  From presentation in clothing to attitudes towards other people's bodies, we are often very self-centered.

I can say this because I know how often I speak what's on my mind before considering the implications of how I say something.  It's an ADHD thing..."Say it or forget it!".  It's also my culture though my parents TRIED to teach me to "Think before you speak" and my co-workers suggested I "Pick My Battles".

But someone needs to say what is on our collective minds sometimes.  Perhaps trying to slow down, give a bit of thought to something, and then expressing yourself quietly, in confidence is the wisest way.  SOMETIMES IT NEEDS TO BE SHOUTED FROM THE TREE TOPS!  I get those two confused...a lot.  I still appreciate those friends that do better at discerning which is which and try to speak up for those that remain silent to avoid ALL conflict.