Autism Spectrum

  In with the Old, Out with the new

A secret that most of my classmates never knew is that I am what used to be referred to as a "Functioning Autistic" person.

CLUE:  Inside voice versus outside voice is regional.  When I get excited, I talk with a New Orleans inside voice which in Mississippi and Alabama is an outside voice.  VAN IS LOUD!!!

Now that I am getting closer to publishing my book, I can share what diagnosis I have had officially and those I kept hidden.  Autism-Asperger Spectrum is the part I have hid even from my doctors.

They first said I was faking my mental issues and just had "anger issues".  If you have an autistic child, you know how difficult the impatience turns to anger.

So when I was first diagnosed, all they had to work with was an adult that seemed simply BIpolar.

Yes, I am Bi.  Bisexual, bipolar, buy, bye, b-eye-tch...

Next, I had what used to be called a my first uncontrollable unmedicated Manic episode after 9/11 tragedy which blew me open.

I could no longer handle cameras on stop lights, on phones, eyes watching everywhere and without my parents or sister to help, I began reverting back to my child-like autistic behaviors but the psychiatrists were now set on seeing me bipolar with "anger issues", misdiagnosed instead of the spectrum (which had not been defined at the time).

Then the bombshell.  Moving from doctor to doctor, I was misdiagnosed due to the paranoia as having "Schizo-Affective Disorder" which was not even a term when I was a kid and instead of re-evaluating me, I lost my job and forced into "retirement" but meant I was put on disability because I could no longer function as a programmer with all the changes after 9/11.

So, since around 2002, I have been mentally disabled as one of the most dangerous types of mental disorders, "Schizo-Affective Disorder" though it started out as simply Autism-Asperger Spectrum disorder with anger issues.

Bless Your Heart....

A mess....

I am I-Van or Crazy Ivan as I am known by in Birmingham.

And now, you know..."The rest of the story..."

Blessed Be and Amen.

Namaste Bitches!!!

Prisons are prisons - Human and other animals too

 The tiger Eko was killed in a zoo

This morning, I learned that a zoo worker reached into a restricted enclosure and was attacked by a wild tiger, Eko.  The person was taken to the hospital and Eko was shot, then tranquilized and later died.  Why are tranquilizers not used to begin with?

As human population grows, we push many other living things to the point of extinction, plants and animals.  I doubt our conservation efforts will ever find a natural balance before most are gone.

I grew up (my teen years) in the country, walking or riding my horse through a huge wooded area owned by the paper company.  I am used to being alone or sharing my journeys with usually one or two other people.  Those quiet times in the woods gave me an appreciation of what the creator made and that that was the way it should be.

As a human, I still don't like duck walks (walks in the rain).  I look at it as being baptized without my consent but maybe they know better than I do.  Sometimes I smile, walk slowly, get drenched and thank them for cleansing me, washing away the bad stuff and ionizing me for the day.  Other times I stay in my shelter or pop open my umbrella and try to avoid every drop.

So I realize as I live currently, I need wood for shelter and many animals are displaced by the cutting of trees for that wood.  Zoos are an easy solution to shelter and care for some of  those displaced animals.

No matter how well we care for them, it is still a prison.  To then kill them when they act like animals is not something we'd do if the animals incarcerated were humans.  I also don't support the death penalty for humans.  Ideals of Love and Compassion should be engaged to the best of our abilities for all those in prisons.

I hope the person recovers.  With less than 200 of these tigers in the wild, it's ironic that Eko's purchase was funded by efforts to save wild tigers.

Facebook elite

Seeking Alpha: Facebook exempted secret elite from its content rules - WSJ.

https://seekingalpha.com/news/3739118-facebook-exempted-secret-elite-from-its-content-rules-wsj?utm_source=news.google.com&utm_medium=referral

ME FIRST

 I am severely diabetic and my doctor has been poorly playing "up the insulin" b(because I am the doctor, so I know best)!!!

I even have repeatedly told her since getting the "stomach sleeve" surgery that changes in my insulin levels aremore dangerous than ever but she does not understand the subtle nuances of this deadly disease.

From anxiety to mood swings, my natural body inclination to question everything is not just the way I am.

After becoming diabetic, this can ALSO SOMETIMES indicate I am entering a diabetic crash in the middle of a normal heated discussion.

We can all laugh at Ivan (aka Van) and jokingly say "How will we know the difference?"?

I will say you can't. As the sugar drops, I become befuddled and unreasonably argumentative. Just like anyone trying to get their point across in a noisy or chaotic place.

Sweating is also a sign of a crash. I also sweaty excessively regularly due to my physiology ("sweating disease") and being obese 311 pounds this week. Again, no way to tell without testing my blood.

Anger at attempting to test, to calm, to mis-diagnos, to blame my meds or lack of meds, just to shut me up is not the solution.

1) Get me a Cherry Coke, a Mountain Dew, or a LARGE 16 OUNCE JUICE OR SUGAR. I may not take it but don't talk, just DO THE DEW. You may save our lives ( mine and yours).

2) Get me to a car or bed and drop the A/C to 69°.

3) PLEASE BE PATIENT and if at all possible, since I am in huge medical debt already, ONLY CALL 911 "AS A LAST RESORT"!!! PLEASE???

This "sleeve" surgery is where they cut out ⅔ of your stomach (which is thought to be the part where hunger hormones are produced).

So, if my insulin in-take is any higher than now (I used to take 75 to 100 per meal before the weight loss surgery), around 4 or 5 meals a day; my doctor's ignorance about the many symptoms of diabetes that are symptoms of many other diseases (I was crushed at birth) may well end my life.

My doctor is my friend. 

She is also a know-it-all and has yet to sit down with me and my three binders of medical history. 

Humana is planning cto do so and hopefully will see the neurological damage the crushed skull during birth started.  

They will understand that the life-long spinal damage from birth added to the lower back pain from digging a ditch 13 hours straight without a break at 16 AND the two accidents with 18-wheelers (loss of memory one time, untreated whiplash the second) has made me appear as a hypochondriac instead of a very I'll, very tough, strong-will son-of-a-bitch!!!

NOTE: Artificial insulin is like marijuana, it makes you VERY hungry!!! (About 100 times normal or ten times being high on pot as a reference. I am NOT JOKING!!! 

Diet you say? Die with a capital T. One acronym, P.O.T.S., look it up!!! My doctor refused to. "Just stand up slowly.

Furthermore, my sister was diagnosed will Kugelberg-Welander syndrome. Boys suffer later in life. I have asked to be genetically tested but that's a negative strike on an over-worked lesbian doctor. I'd get better care (I know from observations) if I were a female patient instead of a male so-called hypochondriac!!!!!!

I can't constantly crash and can't go any higher in insulin so I will be leaving facebook and focusing on my health since my partner and caregiver is dead and I have to care for myself.

I apologize for the inconvenience but I am putting my health and welfare first.

I am still available through messenger if needed. Please do not be concerned about me if I do not respond in a timely fashion.

I have narcolepsy-like comas as well as sugar-comas (too little or too much). Due to schizo-affective disorder, they have to be careful with my ADHD medicine. I understand this. I respect this I am also very very very frustrated by the label and the lack of proper management of my health.

Physical and physiological as well as Spiritual (claiming speaking with angels or dead or aliens or Gods and Goddesses an other Pantheons of dieties Saints and such is not valid outside the confines of the loony bin unless you can convince your psychiatrist and therapist to let you roam free. It's not funny. It's sad but true!

I am well and with focusing on my health, I am and will continue to be well.

Take care, Blessed Be, Namaste, Peace Out and AMEN. 

ChAnGe and A Blessing.

 As we move into a global communication network,

We will see the struggles for Good versus Evil become more intense as well as sublime.

We each define these terms just as we define compassion for those not like ourselves.

Charity especially, is so terribly subjective from our own personal Greed.

Whether it is because we must put food on the table,

A roof over our heads,

A way to travel,

Ourselves, children, family, friends, neighbors, communities and the World all have to be prioritized according to the wealth we are comfortable with accumulating versus sharing.

Perhaps think upon these things as you read the following blessing:

TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!!!

Ein SOF:

Above and Below,

Within and Without,

To Infinity and Beyond,

Bless this place,

these beings,

this moment,

With Good

Love,

Compassion,

Charity and

Justice.

Send Good Blessings,

Bless me,

Bless you,

Bless us,

Our Avatars, Jesus, Buddha, Bodhisattvas,

Angels, Saints, Spirits,

Our Ancestors and Mighty Dead,

Fairy Folk and other realms,

Light, Shadow, Dark,

Empower us to be vessels for Good Love and Compassion and Justice and Charity,

To Infinity and Beyond,

Blessed Be, Namaste and Amen.

2021-May-20th Ivan J. Adams.

Think upon such words as "Love" and "Good" from what they mean to "you" versus "me" or "us".  Are we all of like minds in wealth or charity?  What is Good from my Spiritual standpoint versus yours and theirs? Religious and Political views are a very good examples when using generalizations and assumptions about the terms "me", "you", "us", "them".

The term I came up with, I.T., the Intelligent Totality is in itself interesting with the more broad terms of it, she, he and they.  I am comfortable with any but I respect each persons path and the struggle for their own personal identity.  It is hard to remember, but eventually, as we respect each individual's path, this too shall pass.

Namaste!!!

The dilemma that is CLEAN UNDERWARE!!!

 Some that know me are aware of my many "issues".  Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is one of them although you may agree with me that it's not always a disorder, instead more of a DESIRE-FOR-order!!!

So, yesterday I finally solved a mystery that is common at the Rainbow Dragon's Lair.  Things going missing in this dungeon of a house no matter how many times I walk RIGHT PAST THEM!!!  It's what I call "selective-seeing", similar to what most spouses, parents, and children are often accused of having, "selective-hearing"! (But that's an "issue" for another blog...fight among yourselves about it for now)

Let's backtrack a bit.

Some folks might see my desire to hang all hangers in the closet with the open hook facing in as an OCD trait that's not an issue.  Others even say my desire to have all my shirts on those hangers facing the same way is okay too.  You might even like a particular hanger that has indentions to catch the sleeves from falling off.  OCD boys and girls!!!  

Now, here's where it begins to get a bit cray-cray with me.

I will give away any hangers that are not white.  Also, any that are smooth without the above indentions.  AND, if I can't find one, I will get in my car at ANY time and drive across town to get the SAME brand at the only 24-hour store that sells them!!!  And yes, since COVID-19, the fact that I don't have access to a 24-hour store has caused my use of Xanax to go through the roof!

I also like a different hanger for heavy pants and of course, they DO have to all face the same way when hung.  Also, due to the ADHD (also known as "selective-seeing", "selective-hearing", etc.), I may pick up the WRONG hangers at the store 50 miles away and have to drive back and get the right ones (all the time annoyed there is no one at customer service to return the wrong ones at 3AM).

So, don't laugh at me when I talk to you about underwear UNLESS you have NO OCD traits!!!

Here we go.

I wash underwear twice.  They're the dirtiest part of clothing unless you re-use pads (you know somebody does it).  Ever heard of a man-pon?  Also, if I run out, I am more likely to go buy more underwear than do a load of wash.  And here's where yesterday's mystery was solved.

I have reached maximum capacity for my drawers drawer.  I can no longer fit them all in one dresser drawer.  It's time to sort and discard but now that I have over 50 pairs, I have been avoiding it.  As it turns out, I have so many pairs of drawers (underwear), I can misplace half of them and not notice...much.

So in a rare mood of energy and little back pain, I began putting all my washed clothes away from the basement.  And discovered underneath a clean set of bedsheets in one of my many hampers (washing can become an OCD issue), I found the other half of my underwear that had been sitting in the basement FOR MONTHS!!!

Although I did consider re-washing them due to loss of "fresh-scent", I decided, being single, I was the only one that would be smelling them so the fading fresh-scent was fine.  I still can't fit them all in the one drawer and I have no room for another dresser (I am still considering this option, I kid you not!).

At the moment, my preferences are for Hanes, Boxers, Colored (I'd like all-black to hide racing stripes but it's too cost-prohibitive) but I may go back to white briefs so I can bleach them bad-boys extra clean!   

Now come on, what are your OCD "issues", healthy or not (who's to judge? LOL)?

Hope this gave you a chuckle.

Namaste.

Obesity - The Shame that is still Politically Correct

In February of 2019, I had 2/3 of my stomach removed in a medical procedure called a gastric sleeve.  It has risks but so did my morbid obesity, high blood pressure, diabetes and chronic back pain (just to name a few issues!).

I had planned this for many years.  I had tried everything and due to even MORE medical issues, I kept failing.  As my weight crept up towards 400 (Sam's Higi station recorded my high as 369, at home, I recorded it as 378), I realized I needed help.  

I was ashamed of having failed at eating properly and exercising and having to also admit I needed help.  I was ashamed because fat was equated with laziness  My Hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating) increased with my obesity and was equated with uncleanliness.  Having to take insulin compounded the issue that most doctors don't understand, that taking insulin makes you hungry.  So you eat, take insulin to process the food, and become hungry again in a vicious cycle!

Supposedly (research continues), many of the hunger hormones are produced in the stomach of which 2/3 are removed.  I can tell you, my constant hunger went away after surgery.  I still had an addiction to sugar AND food which I had to be aware of but now I had a fighting chance.

I still have issues that complicate my weight loss, but I also have days where I am INSULIN FREE!!!  That's right, through diet and exercise, I can go from 75 UNITS (about 5 times the average PER MEAL, 4 times a day (300 UNITS of 70/30 Insulin or more a day)) to NO INSULIN.  Even when I do need it, it is less than half of the 75 units I was taking!!!

Other medications have also decreased as I began to lose weight, dropping below 300 pounds!  Simply by changing my diet and no longer being so hungry.

I should have tried to introduce exercise earlier after the gastric sleeve surgery but I was tired and walking hurt so I didn't do so.  I fell back into my old ways, enjoying processed foods and fast food and my weight slowly began creeping up until I finally added walking to the mix.

I am still struggling with portion control and pleasure foods.  It is not a simple fix.  It is a tool to help you help yourself.  I am so afraid of failure and disappointing people that may know of my procedure that I have not said anything.

Today I mowed almost all my lawn, front and back.  It's the most I have done at one time in probably 10 or more years!  I don't know how successful I will be or how much I may lose but I still believe I made the right decision and for others considering this option, I can tell you more, but bottom line, I would do it again only sooner!

For those of you that look down on fat people as lazy or dirty, still politically correct to make fun of, shame on you!  It hurts us and does nothing but send us further into depression which we soothe with the chemicals released by eating.  If you're not going to support us, than to coin a phrase I created, STFU!!!

Stay strong friends, help is out there!

Namaste.