Realist. Optimistic or Pessimistic?

Let's begin by working from a similar set of definitions.

Realist (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/realist) - One who is inclined to literal trust and pragmatism.

Pragmatism (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/pragmatism) - ...the doctrine that the meaning of an idea or a proposition lies in its observable practical consequences.

Optimistic (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/optimistic) - One who usually expects a favorable outcome.

Pessimistic (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/pessimistic) - A tendency to stress the negative or unfavorable or to take the gloomiest possible view.

Now I believe that I am a Realist whose life experiences have molded me into a pessimistic person and I constantly struggle against my nature. I would prefer to be naturally optimistic but at the moment, it is something I have to work very hard at.

From the outward appearance of never smiling to the internal criticisms of everything which are almost constant, I am doom and gloom, inside and out. And yet, I feel that recognizing this issue is a good step in the right direction. When I catch myself frowning or thinking negative thoughts, I can say "STOP!" and try to look at things in a new way.

What made me think of this today was a beautiful summer thunderstorm that began as I was walking out of the grocery store. It was raining steadily but not too hard and everyone was sitting around waiting for it to end instead of braving a few drops and walking the 30 feet or so to their vehicle before their cold food got too warm.

I walked out into the rain, smiling. I was thankful for the Baptism Mother Earth was giving me (I need all I can get!), the way it was cooling things down, and how it would help a very parched land. Plus it reminded me of the "Duck Walks" I had with my sister who was handicapped and could not run. I remembered her wonderful tinkling laugh and how I'd scamper under trees trying not to get too wet and then running back to my sister's side because she could not run to get out of the rain and I didn't want her to suffer alone (though she never really did seem to mind). It was beautiful and happy to me though I am sure most of those folks sitting under cover waiting for it to stop didn't see it that way. I have to admit, I found it quite amusing that it began to pour furiously before I had made it out of the parking lot.

Now I am not always able to be optimistic. Earlier today when a man picked up his son and then pushed in front of me to let him get something out of a display I was browsing, I was quite angry and disappointed at how rude they were. It seems parents cater to their children's every whim, that saying "No" or pointing out that walking in front of someone else is rude (and it is polite to say "Excuse me") have been completely forgotten in order to keep a child happy. So I just turned away, went somewhere else and waited for them to finish. It is one of those examples that reinforce my pessimism.

I can't change the world but I can change how I react to it. For me, as my doctor put it, that requires "Better Living Through Chemistry" but it is better than ending up in jail. Some people are alive today because my "Death Stare" has not yet been perfected. And I think that is all I will say on that. Read into it what you want.

Spiritual Practices - Finding your own path

The contradictions, guilt, and fear that many of the spiritual stories I read are one of the strongest reasons I decided to not participate in formal religions. Instead, I made my own path to follow.

I was never one to perform particular rituals on particular days. The idea of participating in a shared experience at the same time and place, over and over, whether it is a weekly thing, a monthly thing, or any other time or pattern is just not something I do well with. I find repetition to cause such things to lose my attention and thus, its power.

Instead, I listen to others, occasionally share in their rituals, and perform my own when and where I see fit. Of course, I occasionally find myself being directed to do such things in places and times not designated as "acceptable" for "unusual" behavior. As we moved into the scientific age, it became more necessary to restrict metaphysical/spiritual experiences to places of worship on specified dates (depending on each religion). I've never understood how people can deny these experiences when they don't occur during the standard worships but when I exhibit these behaviors outside of those times and places, I'm seen as "crazy". Bless their hearts.

To deny the intuition I receive is like a slap in the face to my guides. I live my path all the time, and when required, act upon it as I feel I am directed. I still restrict it at times and am saddened and wonder what I've missed when I do but the world is a very strange place. We live in a world of science and still cling to the unscientific spiritual world, forcing it into OUR time and places. Hopefully a better balance will be found someday.

Today's blog came about as I was walking in a circle, thanking my friends for their guidance and gifts whatever they might be. I skimmed a tree branch and a big wood roach dropped onto my shoulder near to my ear just as I was saying this. I couldn't help but laugh and think of the cartoons where the little devil appears on your shoulder to whisper bad things to do into your ear.

I brushed it away with a feather I had in my hand and said "Well, except for roaches. I don't want any roaches!". I couldn't help laughing even more because I've always thought of my Creator and guides as my friends and they understand me oh so well and can't resist an opportunity to share their humor with me. It was a magical moment.

An odd thing to say from someone who hates roaches like I do but as I've said before, "To the enlightened, Spirit does not always move in mysterious ways!".

Tree Hugger

I apologize for the musing nature of this blog as it seems I rambled quite a bit more than usual. The real struggle was to not make it too long even though it is still about twice as long as my typical posts. Trees kept popping up in my online news feeds and I found myself thinking of Willow trees and then on to other trees from there. Even today when I logged on to preview and post this entry, I got distracted by other tasks and forgot my original purpose. Within a few moments, the following tree popped up and I remembered that I had really come on to post about trees! I love how magically the Universe speaks to us at times!



My earliest memory of trees is from a story my sister use to tell me. Sometime when I was living in Saudi Arabia (between the ages of 3 1/2 to 6), I fell out of a tree and sprained my arm very badly. At the time, my sister (who was still in the States) had a dream about this happening and wrote to my mother about it. I remember the tree though I don't remember falling out of it. It wasn't the tree's fault and all I remember was that my mom no longer allowed me to climb trees after that.

The result was that I was limited to climbing trees only when I was with my dad. I remember climbing a very large oak tree in Westwego, Louisiana not long after returning to the States. I went so high, the branches swayed in the breeze and I could see clear across the levee to the other side of the canal. I was stuck for a long time, afraid to come down and afraid to call out for help and risk angering my father and losing all climbing privileges! If my mother had known, she would have feinted from fright!

We didn't have many trees that were easily climbed in Avondale, Louisiana where I spent my pre-teen years (when we weren't overseas) but the trees we did have had other uses. There was the large persimmon tree in the back that occasionally dropped a few fruits which my parents loved (though I didn't care much for them). In the front was a large shade tree and our neighbor had trees that dropped green fruits that were great for throwing at other kids in war games (though how we were never hurt, I do not know!).

Our neighbor across the street had a Willow tree and often wrestled with the annual caterpillar infestations whose silken nests he often burned out of the tree. I remember the challenge of learning the painful lesson that some caterpillars could sting. After that, it was then a challenge to let them climb on me without causing them to sting or testing new ones to see if they would. I couldn't resist learning this for myself and even had to re-learn it when they didn't sting right away! To predators, the pretty colors might say "Stay Away!" but all I could see was "Touch Me!" (a few pics here: http://birdsandbloomsblog.com/2011/09/08/garden-hazards-stinging-caterpillars/ )
and here's one of the pics of one from the page which I often tempted fate with:



I always liked the way the Willow trees' branches hung down like a natural enclosure with their long slender leaves and the way they liked to grow along the river banks. So when a neighbor near where I live now cut one of the few in the area down, I noticed it right away and was quite saddened by the event. It was not near the house and turned the area into a bare bit of lawn that seems so naked now.

When we moved to Mississippi, we were surrounded by woods owned mostly by the paper company and I was very happy to spend the day walking through the woods, imagining all sorts of adventures! So when it finally came time to choose a place to work, the parks and trees of Alabama helped me to choose this area over places that offered more money.

A co-worker had introduced me to hiking at Oak Mountain State Park and I nearly killed myself near the high point on the mountain trying to climb into a low-branching Oak tree. I just couldn't resist doing it though I wondered what people would think of a grown man climbing a tree like a monkey.

In the neighborhood I live in now, we have many tall older trees. They don't have the support of the woods in these urban settings and often lose parts or entire trees from the storms that come through. I finally had to cut both of the old Bradford Pears down after two storms had taken much of them down and made the rest unstable.



The old Oak in the front has twice lost huge bows to storms though my neighbor and I have been lucky not to have any damage from either time. It is missing most of its canopy and looks like a very large twig or an old balding man with whom I am happy to share it's waning years with.

As I mentioned earlier, when I saw a post about Willow trees, I started to reminisce about my love for trees and recalled my last visit to the neighborhood where I had grown up in Avondale, Louisiana. The trees, the shrubs, and even the plants were mostly gone from my home and many others in the area. They looked bland and naked, bereft of foliage and I realized that the area seemed less pleasant, as if it lacked some energy from the missing foliage. I'm not sure why it had been stripped but it definitely didn't feel the same as it did when I was a kid.

I'm fortunate to now live within a mile of the Ruffner Mountain Nature Preserve where all sorts of trees and plants grow. I may not be able to identify most of the species but I enjoy their shade and beauty. Sometimes I just have to go off the trail to be near a particular one. To touch it and sometimes, to hug it. Some may think that odd and I have finally come to a point where I understand this disconnect such people have and the lack of understanding it causes.



That connection and desire to be near and even touch the trees and plants is what makes me different from some folks. I feel a very intimate and spiritual connection with the natural world. I see things many others do not notice but I no longer hide my perceptions nor do I apologize for them. It is what it is. If someone criticizes my ways, I learn not to share that part of my life with them but I am not diminished by their opinions. Annoyed a bit and disappointed that they don't share my views but hopeful that in time they will have the opportunity to experience some of the things I have.

I do worry that it might happened only when there aren't any more trees to hug but only time will tell if enough people are able to reconnect in time to realize how precious the trees really are.

Fat - the final frontier of acceptable humor

I am morbidly obese. That being said, I still find myself joking about other people's weight. Even though jokes poked at me (and those I poke at others) hurt. It seems that since this is something most over-weight people can change, it's a form of criticism that is okay. In this case, I know personally how hurtful it is and yet I let such comments pass (or even utter them myself).

Over the years I've tried to change. To at least keep such thoughts to myself when I see some huge person in skin-tight clothes or not even able to cover-up their rolls of fat. Even the word "fat" comes out as if it's some curse word, spit out like poison. And in the process, my own self-loathing is reinforced with each negative thought, word, or action.

The first step of course, is self-love. To forgive yourself for not being what others and even yourself believe to be the only way to be. Of course, this can apply to other issues besides being fat but that's my focus for the moment. I should also acknowledge when something is said by a friend that hurts me and definitely work harder on refraining from such hurtful statements myself!

Although I still tend to be pessimistic and find the "always cheerful" type of people to be annoying, there is a method to their way of thinking. And the thing about what annoys us in others is that it is often something we lack and our own lack is what really annoys us.

So the way to change is to emulate these cheerful folks even if what we say is not true and we don't believe it. You don't have to insist nothing is wrong in your world, just try a few positive affirmations to change something simple, like saying "I love myself.". Positive affirmations are a form of self-hypnosis that really can work to change your view of the world.

I had a friend once that was a channeler. The first time he spoke to me, he relayed a lot of information, all of which applied to my life though he knew little of me. I didn't really believe in such stuff but I did write it all down.

One of the things he told me to read was a book, "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise L. Hay (http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/726388.You_Can_Heal_Your_Life). Though I haven't finished it yet, it is full of positive affirmations and a great reminder of how well this works.

I am also fortunate to have reconnected with a cousin of mine who is Spiritual, Wise, Kind, and very into these positive affirmations. She often sends me links to various techniques, meditations, music, and such that help me to re-focus my efforts when my own energy is waning.

The point here of course is to have a few positive folks in your life and try to minimize the negative ones. Unless of course, you enjoy that environment. Each one causes chemical reactions in the brain and some people get use to the feelings caused by negative or stressful situations and believe they need to maintain that feeling by remaining in bad situations.

If you want to make a change for the better, start within and love yourself. Look in a mirror at least once a day, smile at yourself, and say something positive even if you don't completely believe it. Bit by bit, you'll change the world. Working from within yourself and expanding out into the multiverse. We are each part of a wondrous whole and we each matter and have an impact on the world. Make it positive!

Namaste.

Earth Day

Happy Earth Day!!! For more info, try http://www.earthday.org/2013/about.html

I do try to be mindful of this wonderful planet we live on every day. As usual, there are the ideals I strive for and the things I actually accomplish.

I see petroleum products as harmful in so many ways and yet I am very dependent on their use. When I learned of the Great Pacific Garbage Patch (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Pacific_Garbage_Patch), I decided this was one of the things I could do something about. I switched to using reusable grocery bags and no longer bought anymore butane lighters since these items made up a large portion of this mass.

I even switched from a gas-guzzling sports car to a more economical car (from 17/24 MPG to 24/32) and began driving less aggressively. I do miss my Mustang but for now, I feel it was a good move.

I am still participating in a garbage recycling trial in my town though no one in office really seems interested with moving forward with the project. Their main concern is if it will save money and we all know that shouldn't be the focus of such a project.

I have lots of plants outside and even some inside to help with air quality. I haven't yet gotten to growing much to eat but I am working to expand that effort this year. First to a few more herbs and then maybe next year with more staple plants.

According to the earthday.org site, Climate Change is the focus this year. With such a short amount of climate data, I feel the causes and trends are still vague. Still, I do see the changes. From immense glacial sheering, the effects of sea temperature on marine life including the beautiful coral reefs, unusual storms (frequency, strength, time and place), droughts, sea levels rising, and the effects on the various ecosystems, something is definitely happening whatever factors are contributing to it.

Perhaps I've watched too many disaster movies but I worry that things will swing severely out of control in such a way that it devastates life on earth. According to evidence, the human race may have reached a low of only 15,000 individuals due to the Toba volcanic eruption at one time. We don't know what something like that might due to our modern world.

That's why I feel that being conservative in our population growth is also a good "earth friendly" practice until the other issues mentioned are managed much better. We can then slow the need to destroy forests to maintain our growing population and start becoming more aware of the things we do and the reason for doing them before we take a step in the wrong direction.

As we destroy natural habitats, much of it will be lost forever. So the first step is to just think about the simple wasteful things we do. Wasting food. Hoarding. Leaving electrical devices on (lights and other devices we aren't even using). Researching and even trying new forms of energy. And gently encouraging others with things we see they could easily incorporate into their routines. When someone comments on you using reusable shopping bags, buy one for them to try out.

Give living plants as gifts and suggest doing things with friends and family that expose them to the outdoors. A plant sale or a walk in the park. The benefits can be more than you realize. And we just may wind up leaving a little something worth having when we are done borrowing the Earth from those that will need it after us.

A foot in both worlds

Have you ever noticed how readily some people accept unusual events and others seem quite adamant to explain them in scientific terms?

As I grew up, I was very much the type of person that liked to have an explanation for everything, firmly rooted in science. Neither one of my parents had a very good education and I believe that is why they often messed with me instead of giving me straight answers. They often didn't know the answer so they made up funny ones to hide their limitations. That way, when I found out the real answer, they could just laugh off the one they had given me.

They did encouraged me to seek out the answer for myself and provided me with resources to do so. This began with encouraging me to read and providing me with lots of reading material. They bought me a set of Compton's Encyclopedias some time around starting school and as college neared, a set of Encyclopedia Britannica's was added. They might not know the answer but they wanted to help me find it.

But all along the way, I encountered things that science could not answer to my satisfaction. As I got older, though my education continued, I seemed to have more mysteries instead of less. For a while, I dismissed those things I could not explain with explanations like coincidence or simply the limits of my own intelligence. I was determined to remaine firmly rooted in the analytical no matter how many whispers I heard to the contrary.

In my teen years, these unexplainable events seemed to happen more. I think sharing these with my parents is what lead them to discuss mental illness. The things I observed at times obviously seemed crazy and this disturbed my parents. I recall getting lectures about keeping certain observations and such to myself that were unusual.

They emphasized that these experiences were not normal and might be considered crazy, which was a bad thing. Even going to a therapist or psychiatrist was a bad thing that could create a very undesirable stigma around a person.

Oddly enough though, my father decided to take me to a psychiatrist at the University when I was in the eight grade for a variety of psychological and I.Q. tests. He never did say why he did this. It may have been just to get an idea of my intelligence but I know a lot of other tests were also included. I wonder now if they were noticing I was different somehow and were trying to at least keep me from exhibiting unusual behaviors in public. What those were, if any, I still have not entirely figured out.

During my first years in college, I suppressed my spiritual side but after a while, I found this to be a very boring existence. I liked the belief that the world had mysteries and possibly even things science could not explain ever. As I began to pursue my spiritual studies, I finally began to open up to the possibility of the unusual occurring to myself and more importantly, to others.

My first metaphysical teacher had explained how we arrive open to everything that happens to us on so many levels. As we grow, through our own observations and interactions with the world and what others tell us, that world usually begins to become smaller and more defined as we dismiss those things we can't explain. His teachings helped me to stop that contraction and even reverse it.

Now, I don't spend so much time trying to define everything in my world. I especially try not to deny those things I don't understand. I usually try to avoid spending too much time and energy explaining my view to those that are still rooted in science or their own beliefs. I find they drain me and cause me to doubt and I really to have the time and energy to waste on such debates and negativity.

It may mean I'm labeled "crazy" but I am use to that by now. I am annoyed when folks that claim to have their own unusual experiences think they're okay but I'm not but I do understand. They just haven't made that next step back into a larger world. I know how hard it was for me to take that leap so I have to try to give others a bit of slack n their journey.

I often imagined myself walking on the edge of a cliff, with a vast dark nothingness I seemed to be always about to fall into to on my left and a flat barren landscape on my right. It was as if I had to choose, sane or not. There was no grey area, no room for both.

I still remember this image in my mind but what I actually imagine now is a world where both exist in a cacophony of interwoven multi-layers. I try hard not walk too far into either world but remain open to both. It makes my world just a bit more magical than it used to be.

Hopefully, more folks will have the courage to walk their own path, making the world a bit more magical, one by one. Someday, it will be safer to share that view openly and we can all lighten up and enjoy ourselves and this wonderful, magical world we all live in...together.

One Tribe - Theory versus practice. Love is the Law.

When I am asked what my religion is, I simply tell people I am Spiritual. When asked to clarify what this means, I explain I have developed my beliefs from my observations and interactions with the world and the many belief systems that are out there. This includes a large dose of the belief systems I grew up around but removing those concepts my heart tells me aren't divine. Love is the Law.

That was probably the hardest step to take. To move beyond the fear of many systems of belief and think for myself. To dare to question anything that I knew in my heart wasn't true. Especially with texts that were very old, passed down orally, written and rewritten many times and in many languages. I realized that the divine nature of any text could easily have been changed, lost, or never have existed at all.

Interestingly, it was a great Aunt of mine who was very proud of her Christian standing that made me realize these religions weren't so perfect and gave me the courage to begin questioning things and finally find my own Spiritual path. Early on in a visit from her, she began preaching to me. I remember how important it was that I didn't say I considered myself "religious" but instead declared I was a "Christian".

To me, this seemed a very prideful thing to say and went against what I thought should be some of the qualities of a Christian, such as being humble and focusing on just being a good person. Of course, being part of the LGBT community, I was already beginning to see the incongruities just in the texts so these real-world examples of how each person put theory into practice were just strengthening my beliefs that I wasn't "Christian" material.

The problem was that after a while, seeing so many different interpretations of just this one faith, the knee-jerk response to so much confusion, negativity, and condemnation was to just give up and disconnect from having any beliefs whatsoever. For me though, this just couldn't work. The world spoke to me on a mystical level and I found myself most content with a belief in this Spiritual world.

So I began to study many types of beliefs. I especially enjoyed www.sacred-texts.com as a good reference to many different texts. Eventually, I created my own course of study and came to view the world as "One Tribe", focusing on the similarities and the belief that we are all truly connected.

The thing I have had to fight the most is remaining open to the experiences of others. Respectful of their beliefs and practices as well as their experiences. Still being buffeted by a vast majority of Christians in the area I live in, these are often the ones I want to judge unworthy and immediately dismiss instead of finding that "common ground" I spout about and remaining open.

This is of course, my blind spot. I am not practicing my beliefs and closing down because someone else has not practiced their beliefs as well I think they should have and I've become the prideful one. So I have to remain on guard, picking myself up when I stumble, relying on others to help me keep an open mind and heart in order to grow as a Spiritual being. And in doing so, respecting all faiths and hopefully learning from the best of each.

Namaste - The Divine within me recognizes the Divine within you, We are One.