I find many people would rather claim to know something than swallow their pride, admit ignorance, and learn something in the process. If I have a doubt and say I do not know, the other person's answer may give me knowledge or verify what I thought. There's nothing wrong with admitting you don't know something. Acting like you do just causes you to remain ignorant. The smart ones have nothing to prove and everything to learn.
When I come across the prideful sort, I find them to be quite a drain. Communication is broken and you have to figure out what they need because they won't admit to any lack of knowledge. They have built a wall around themselves and see ignorance as weakness though their pride is the true downfall for people stop helping them. When this communication stops, both sides suffer.
From street slang to internet slang, even the people in the conversation often don't understand what the other person is saying due to mumbling, vague acronyms, or gross misspelling and grammer to name a few problems. When asked, some will tell you they don't know (even though they won't ask for a clarification) and the rest will act like they understand even if they don't. A lot of this comes from a lack of education and that includes many educators that don't care.
From my own experience, this gets even worse as we move past just being prideful to boastful. A series of successes can quickly lead a person to feeling quite powerful in their ways and begin to invite trouble from corners unknown through boastfulness.
I haven't figured out how to get through to people that feel they know everything. Each time I try, I find the simplest of conversations to turn into a therapy session. I don't mind helping anyone even in this way but I find it very exhausting.
It is also misleading since the subtle cues a person may have learned that help them understand a person are thwarted by all the lies and deception. There aren't many resources to learn some of the things I'm inferring and negative input just detracts from what you think you've learned.
So instead of using anger to hurt others or challenge them to a war you think you can not lose, I'd suggest you find healthier ways to release the anger and focus on the good in your life. It may be a long time before you see the fruits of either way but I know I can look back and see the better path for me was kindness.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Marriage = EQUALITY!!!
I recently had a discussion with a member of an AIDS support group that made me realize I needed to have my say too.
Members of groups often forget that they are representing a group. Making statements in that group instead of on a personal page implies you are speaking for the group. So when this person said that didn't care about getting the right to be married and only wanted the other rights that came with it, the hairs on my back stood on end.
I lost my Partner, the house I bought him, and all his possessions because I had no legal rights. I only got to see him while he was in ICU because of a technicality. But my partner, Jerry Michael Brown, was the one that said we should call each other "Partners".
He didn't like the term "Lovers" because he said it implied that was all our relationship was based on and he said it wasn't. He didn't want to say we were "Married" because we weren't and it would be a lie.
If you had know this man, you'd find it hard to believe he had thought something through so much but it showed to me how much he really did love me. It wasn't an easy union but I can say I love him and miss him often now that he has passed on. Marriage is something we will not get to share in this lifetime.
So I want the opportunity in the future to be able to say I am "Married" in whatever religious or non-religious context that is. It will state: "I am the SAME as you!". No second-class citizen drinking from the gay water fountain and the law will have to back me.
It is TIME to evolve past such hatred. Whomever you consider to be your hero or religious icon, follow their teachings of love, compassion, tolerance, and forgiveness. It's time to start making an effort ALL THE TIME to RAISE THIS WORLD UP!
Namaste,
Ivan
Members of groups often forget that they are representing a group. Making statements in that group instead of on a personal page implies you are speaking for the group. So when this person said that didn't care about getting the right to be married and only wanted the other rights that came with it, the hairs on my back stood on end.
I lost my Partner, the house I bought him, and all his possessions because I had no legal rights. I only got to see him while he was in ICU because of a technicality. But my partner, Jerry Michael Brown, was the one that said we should call each other "Partners".
He didn't like the term "Lovers" because he said it implied that was all our relationship was based on and he said it wasn't. He didn't want to say we were "Married" because we weren't and it would be a lie.
If you had know this man, you'd find it hard to believe he had thought something through so much but it showed to me how much he really did love me. It wasn't an easy union but I can say I love him and miss him often now that he has passed on. Marriage is something we will not get to share in this lifetime.
So I want the opportunity in the future to be able to say I am "Married" in whatever religious or non-religious context that is. It will state: "I am the SAME as you!". No second-class citizen drinking from the gay water fountain and the law will have to back me.
It is TIME to evolve past such hatred. Whomever you consider to be your hero or religious icon, follow their teachings of love, compassion, tolerance, and forgiveness. It's time to start making an effort ALL THE TIME to RAISE THIS WORLD UP!
Namaste,
Ivan
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Children Writing About the Ocean
I figured it was time for a break from "Rants, Raves" and try a bit of "Etc.". In this case, a bit of humor from my cousin Vickie:
The next time you take an oceanography course, you will be totally prepared.
1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.
(Kelly, age 6)
2) Oysters' balls are called pearls.
(Jerry, age 6)
3) If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent.
(Mike, age 7)
4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend any more.
(Kylie, age 6)
5) A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head.
(Billy, age 8)
6) My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs.
(Millie, age 6)
7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans.
(William, age 7)
8) Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really?
(Helen, age 6)
9) I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write.
(Amy, age 6)
10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers.
(Christopher, age 7)
11) When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small.
(Kevin, age 6)
12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.
(Becky, age 8)
13) On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass.
(Julie, age 7)
14) The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know.
(Bobby, age 6)
15) My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.
(James, age 7)
The next time you take an oceanography course, you will be totally prepared.
1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.
(Kelly, age 6)
2) Oysters' balls are called pearls.
(Jerry, age 6)
3) If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent.
(Mike, age 7)
4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend any more.
(Kylie, age 6)
5) A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head.
(Billy, age 8)
6) My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs.
(Millie, age 6)
7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans.
(William, age 7)
8) Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really?
(Helen, age 6)
9) I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write.
(Amy, age 6)
10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers.
(Christopher, age 7)
11) When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small.
(Kevin, age 6)
12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.
(Becky, age 8)
13) On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass.
(Julie, age 7)
14) The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know.
(Bobby, age 6)
15) My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.
(James, age 7)
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Stereotypes
NOTE: The original post was lost so this is a new, revised version. Although the loss of the post upset me, I realized that perhaps the emotions that prompted the initial post were too raw and the powers-that-be were helping me to step back and write it again at another time in a better space.
I was prompted to write this after reading a spiritual/religious blog that claimed Southern people to be kind and hospitable and Northern people to not be.
I too, often find myself lumping everyone in a group into a certain category with a certain set of traits associated with them. It is also why I don't like labels and prefer more specific questions when someone is curious about me.
Even then, each word has a definition associated with it which is unique to each person. That's why speech is still a crude form of communication. Most people assume when speaking to someone that the definition of each word used is the same for both the speaker and the listener and this just isn't so.
My parents were both from New York where I was conceived. I was born and raised (mostly) in New Orleans, Louisiana. My mom told me that when I was born the doctor said "He might have Yankee blood but he has a Rebel yell!".
So I have a unique view on this issue, and like many other issues, my parents allowed me to form my own opinions. That included changing them as I saw fit. I still find myself forming what I later consider to be incorrect beliefs. There's nothing wrong with changing your mind though I wish I were not so quick to form such opinions.
As part of the LGBT community living in the South, I have been subjected to verbal and physical abuse. It seems that sometimes what some consider to be friendly socializing is a thin vale for being nosey. The next step after gathering such information is the private trial and sentence such folks render upon me.
I haven't lived in the North but I suspect the same thing goes on up there too, just by another name. In both cases though, I still try to give people a chance before forming my own opinions of them. Granted, some are quite sneaky about what they think and what they present to the world so it's not that easy to figure out.
I've learned that lesson the hard way many times over. I may be a bit more cautious and I constantly have to fight my natural cynicism but I still try to take people as they present themselves until the evidence proves otherwise.
My parents also had their good and bad points. The things they said in private were not always the things they said in public. I noticed it often and called them on it occasionally. I suppose it is why I am so argumentative (people consider me confrontational). I find you have to badger folks to get enough snippets of truth and falsehood to weave your own tapestry of reality.
My parents taught me manners and expected me to treat everyone the same no matter what things they might say about a particular group in private. From "thank you" to "you're welcome" to holding open a door for anyone, my parents taught AND practiced kindness. It wasn't something they learned when they reach the South, they brought it with them from the North.
Since I was born in the South, I consider myself Southern but I was raised by parents from the North so I take offense to the pridefullness and ignorance of someone lumping everyone together and saying Northerners are not friendly. It's a two-way street and when a slippery smile appears, it doesn't fool everyone no matter where you are from.
That is just one stereotype. There are many others and you may be guilty of using them. Some are so ingrained, it is a hard and long battle to change what one is taught. Don't let a stereotype keep you from being nice to everyone. It's not always easy but wouldn't you rather lift the world up than bring it down?
Bit by bit.
Namaste...
I was prompted to write this after reading a spiritual/religious blog that claimed Southern people to be kind and hospitable and Northern people to not be.
I too, often find myself lumping everyone in a group into a certain category with a certain set of traits associated with them. It is also why I don't like labels and prefer more specific questions when someone is curious about me.
Even then, each word has a definition associated with it which is unique to each person. That's why speech is still a crude form of communication. Most people assume when speaking to someone that the definition of each word used is the same for both the speaker and the listener and this just isn't so.
My parents were both from New York where I was conceived. I was born and raised (mostly) in New Orleans, Louisiana. My mom told me that when I was born the doctor said "He might have Yankee blood but he has a Rebel yell!".
So I have a unique view on this issue, and like many other issues, my parents allowed me to form my own opinions. That included changing them as I saw fit. I still find myself forming what I later consider to be incorrect beliefs. There's nothing wrong with changing your mind though I wish I were not so quick to form such opinions.
As part of the LGBT community living in the South, I have been subjected to verbal and physical abuse. It seems that sometimes what some consider to be friendly socializing is a thin vale for being nosey. The next step after gathering such information is the private trial and sentence such folks render upon me.
I haven't lived in the North but I suspect the same thing goes on up there too, just by another name. In both cases though, I still try to give people a chance before forming my own opinions of them. Granted, some are quite sneaky about what they think and what they present to the world so it's not that easy to figure out.
I've learned that lesson the hard way many times over. I may be a bit more cautious and I constantly have to fight my natural cynicism but I still try to take people as they present themselves until the evidence proves otherwise.
My parents also had their good and bad points. The things they said in private were not always the things they said in public. I noticed it often and called them on it occasionally. I suppose it is why I am so argumentative (people consider me confrontational). I find you have to badger folks to get enough snippets of truth and falsehood to weave your own tapestry of reality.
My parents taught me manners and expected me to treat everyone the same no matter what things they might say about a particular group in private. From "thank you" to "you're welcome" to holding open a door for anyone, my parents taught AND practiced kindness. It wasn't something they learned when they reach the South, they brought it with them from the North.
Since I was born in the South, I consider myself Southern but I was raised by parents from the North so I take offense to the pridefullness and ignorance of someone lumping everyone together and saying Northerners are not friendly. It's a two-way street and when a slippery smile appears, it doesn't fool everyone no matter where you are from.
That is just one stereotype. There are many others and you may be guilty of using them. Some are so ingrained, it is a hard and long battle to change what one is taught. Don't let a stereotype keep you from being nice to everyone. It's not always easy but wouldn't you rather lift the world up than bring it down?
Bit by bit.
Namaste...
Monday, March 19, 2012
The Right Thing
I once worked with a person that took any opportunity to let people know what their religious beliefs were. I eventually caught this person in MANY things that didn't seem to support the beliefs they kept trying to preach to everyone.
I know of others that seem to go through the motions of what is required of their religion and then turn around, harm others, and take the stance, "This is who I am, if you don't like it, suck it.".
In this country, making a buck seems to be an acceptable loop-hole for not following one's religion. If you have to harm another to get ahead in business, that makes it okay to ignore such things as truth and kindness.
I have struggled with these issues myself and have not always done what I believe in my heart to be right. That doesn't make it okay and it does not mean I have forgotten what I have done and moved on.
I constantly evaluate how I behave and re-assess my decisions. I don't do it because I believe according to my religious beliefs, all is seen and accounted for. I do it because I try my best to live my life by those beliefs and value truth and kindness. I like the world I feel such works will create, bit by bit.
I know of others that seem to go through the motions of what is required of their religion and then turn around, harm others, and take the stance, "This is who I am, if you don't like it, suck it.".
In this country, making a buck seems to be an acceptable loop-hole for not following one's religion. If you have to harm another to get ahead in business, that makes it okay to ignore such things as truth and kindness.
I have struggled with these issues myself and have not always done what I believe in my heart to be right. That doesn't make it okay and it does not mean I have forgotten what I have done and moved on.
I constantly evaluate how I behave and re-assess my decisions. I don't do it because I believe according to my religious beliefs, all is seen and accounted for. I do it because I try my best to live my life by those beliefs and value truth and kindness. I like the world I feel such works will create, bit by bit.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Blurring the lines of privacy
I often see folks on facebook talk about "their" facebook page. I have to admit, I often think of mine the same way. But in reality, Facebook owns it all. We don't pay for the service. Have you ever noticed that the ads that pop up often are related to topics you discuss in chat and messages? You may think they are private but they are not.
The same holds true for all those fun apps we use. They don't need all our private information to plow a field or shoot a bird. It is used for marketing and is often the way dishonest creators get access to and share such information. That's why I use only a few trusted apps.
Almost any site has so many levels of backup that its hard to say how many copies of a bit of information are made and for how long and where they may be kept. With the new Homeland Security laws, I would not be surprised if many sites provide copies or free access to government agencies.
It's not just kids that need to be aware of what they post and where on the internet. Even when the account is "supposedly" private, the management of that data allows those managers to view and share the information any way they want.
I regularly archived data for five years as part of my job for financial reasons. With media as cheap as it is now, that could be a lifetime. Don't think just because you instructed a site to delete your account that it is gone from every backup. All you really did is just remove YOUR access to the data.
Think before post and remember that anyone can be watching. Just because some friend of a friend you don't like is not directly linked to your information does not mean they can't get to it through some other account.
Parents, that goes for your children also. Parent first, friend second. Many kids have alias accounts to keep their parents from seeing what they are really doing. If they log off or hide the screen when you come around, they have something to hide and you have the right to know. You are in charge! Be aware!
The same holds true for all those fun apps we use. They don't need all our private information to plow a field or shoot a bird. It is used for marketing and is often the way dishonest creators get access to and share such information. That's why I use only a few trusted apps.
Almost any site has so many levels of backup that its hard to say how many copies of a bit of information are made and for how long and where they may be kept. With the new Homeland Security laws, I would not be surprised if many sites provide copies or free access to government agencies.
It's not just kids that need to be aware of what they post and where on the internet. Even when the account is "supposedly" private, the management of that data allows those managers to view and share the information any way they want.
I regularly archived data for five years as part of my job for financial reasons. With media as cheap as it is now, that could be a lifetime. Don't think just because you instructed a site to delete your account that it is gone from every backup. All you really did is just remove YOUR access to the data.
Think before post and remember that anyone can be watching. Just because some friend of a friend you don't like is not directly linked to your information does not mean they can't get to it through some other account.
Parents, that goes for your children also. Parent first, friend second. Many kids have alias accounts to keep their parents from seeing what they are really doing. If they log off or hide the screen when you come around, they have something to hide and you have the right to know. You are in charge! Be aware!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Think before you CLICK!
Sometime last year, I began getting spam. Before then, it rarely happened. I suspect it occurred when I joined a new site that either hid its intention to share my email with other companies or just lied about its policy. It's not as wasteful as junk snail-mail but it is still annoying.
The amusing thing about this spam is that they constantly use different domains but a unique format to the message. This makes it easy to identify as spam from the same source, so I don't read it and I can quickly add it to my Junk Mail list.
I use "Windows Live Mail" on a Windows 7 system. It's not perfect but it does have a feature to help greatly reduce spam. If you use this program, you may want to try this...
In the "Junk Mail" folder, select an item to block by clicking on it once. Then right-click to pull up a menu and select "Junk Mail" and in the sub-menu, select "Add sender's domain to blocked sender list". Note: Use the option with the word "DOMAIN".
This blocks ALL email from this domain. The way I see it, I don't want ANYTHING from that domain so if it blocks someone I know, they need to move to a better ISP that doesn't support the creators of Spam.
It's not perfect since they keep creating new domains that aren't blocked but it's the easiest way I know to fight back until the government figures out a way to prosecute companies that share email addresses illegally.
Somehow, I doubt that will happen. Just like junk mail in snail-mail addressed to resident. I see it as abuse but I don't have the deep pockets to buy a politician to write a SOPA or PIPA for me.
Until then, I'll fight them one domain at a time. And I'll keep the APPS I run on sites like facebook to a minimum. Think before you click!
The amusing thing about this spam is that they constantly use different domains but a unique format to the message. This makes it easy to identify as spam from the same source, so I don't read it and I can quickly add it to my Junk Mail list.
I use "Windows Live Mail" on a Windows 7 system. It's not perfect but it does have a feature to help greatly reduce spam. If you use this program, you may want to try this...
In the "Junk Mail" folder, select an item to block by clicking on it once. Then right-click to pull up a menu and select "Junk Mail" and in the sub-menu, select "Add sender's domain to blocked sender list". Note: Use the option with the word "DOMAIN".
This blocks ALL email from this domain. The way I see it, I don't want ANYTHING from that domain so if it blocks someone I know, they need to move to a better ISP that doesn't support the creators of Spam.
It's not perfect since they keep creating new domains that aren't blocked but it's the easiest way I know to fight back until the government figures out a way to prosecute companies that share email addresses illegally.
Somehow, I doubt that will happen. Just like junk mail in snail-mail addressed to resident. I see it as abuse but I don't have the deep pockets to buy a politician to write a SOPA or PIPA for me.
Until then, I'll fight them one domain at a time. And I'll keep the APPS I run on sites like facebook to a minimum. Think before you click!
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