Elephants and other things I don't want to forget

I use Microsoft's Bing Desktop which is a search box that sits almost hidden on my desktop and has the added benefit of changing the background on my desktop everyday. Today is the image above of the Elephants with the description "A herd of elephants in the Masai Mara National Reserve, Kenya".

For a few days, I've been getting little hints that it is time to go visit the zoo. Of course, as you become aware of something, you are more likely to notice things that trigger that idea. So I can easily say that it isn't synchronicity but just coincidence though I personally prefer the more magical belief.

I have always had a strong attraction to elephants. My father bought a beautiful table while working overseas when I was very young. The two feet were actually carved into elephants with ivory tusks and toenails and other inlay. It quickly became "my table" and now has the middle of one side of it worn from the black lacquer down to the wood from propping my feet up on it all my life while watching television (no matter how many times my mother hollered at me to "Get your feet off the coffee table!)". It was just too convenient! And now that worn spot triggers fond memories of my mom (even when being yelled at).

The circus use to come to New Orleans and set up near Schweggman's supermarket. After the first time going, I got to go to the tent and see the elephants up close. They would probe with their snouts and I remember thinking I could sneak back in and free them all from the chains that bound thier feet even if I knew they wouldn't get very far.

That memory always reminds me of the time I got to ride an elephant. I don't know where it was or how old I was. I do remember being scared that I would hurt this big animal by stepping on it and grabbing its ear as I climbed up. There was no seat or reins, just a bareback ride as its keeper lead it along. I was on top of the world!

Later in life, I got the nickname "Elephant Ears" because my ears stuck out. At the time, I didn't know that had partially been caused at birth when the doctor had to use the wrong forceps and crushed my skull. It took a long time to discover this because my mom held the belief you didn't speak of bad events and draw that energy down on you but I was persistent and eventually got the story from her.

So when folks teased me and called me "Elephant Ears", it was bittersweet. I knew they meant it in a cruel way and many nights I fell asleep with my ears pressed tightly against my pillows in hopes that they would grow closer to my head. At the same time, I thought of my elephants that I loved so much and bit by bit, became less annoyed and more special by their taunts. Once I heard "An elephant never forgets!", it was just one more feather in my cap.

As I grew up, my mother and I talked about how they had decided not to have surgery in hopes that my head would grow out properly. I told her that as science improved, it was probably better to wait and that I could get them fixed if I wanted to now but I was okay with who I was. If I had known at the time that I was the second son and my brother Freddie had died of meningitis, I would have understood my mom's fear of losing me and the thought of any surgery on my head.

So here I sit, looking at a beautiful picture of elephants in Africa, remembering many interesting things about them, hoping to visit them someday in their own natural habitat, and thinking I really am overdue for a visit to the zoo.

Year of the Snake

I ate at a local Chinese buffet today to celebrate the Spring Festival (Chinese New Year). The server was one that waited on me often and she was particularily upbeat and talkative. I suspect it was because of it being the Spring Festival. She said she was very happy to serve me today (something she didn't usually say) so I told her "Thank you and Happy New Year.".

She actually gasped and stared for a moment. Then a broad smile filled her face and she asked "Chinese New Year?". "Yes." I responded.

"Thank you and Happy Chinese New Year!". She almost bounced away. I was quite glad a friend had reminded me of the date yesterday, which I may have missed otherwise. It was such a warm feeling to know why she was so upbeat and to acknowledge why and add to her positive energy.

I left a big tip with another waiter that came to the table. He obviously noticed (and I was worried she might not get the tip). He told me he would be back with my change. I told him to keep it and he responded by saying he would let my server know I had left it (as if he had read my mind).

We are quite a melting pot in this country and it's fun to learn and share in other cultures. I was blessed to travel a few times when I was young (and the world seemed kinder), so I have been exposed to a variety of different cultures. My parents taught me to respect differences even if we didn't agree with them. I have since learned how enlightening this can be.

I don't always do as well in following the principles I set for myself. It seems so much easier to follow the grooves in a road even when you don't want to. The mind is the same way. Paths laid down over time are hard to change but it is worth the extra effort. If simply for the reward of one more smile.

HFR (High Frame Rate) Movies

I recently went to see the movie "The Hobbit, An Unexpected Journey" in IMAX 3D. I also saw it in the new HFR (High Frame Rate) format which it was filmed in.

HFR (High Frame Rate) for this movie records and in select theaters, plays, at 48 FPS (Frames Per Second), double the normal 24 FPS.

So I went to the second viewing in HFR with a critical eye to this difference. It had been about two weeks since my first viewing and even though I was aware of what the difference should be, I didn't really notice much of a difference.

In the more instense scenes of fighting and motion, I was occassionally more aware of the movement and possibly a decrease in the blurring action of the lower 24 FPS version, but I didn't find anything else negative about it. It definitely didn't seem less real like some critics claim.

Perhaps another viewing of the lower 24 FPS version now might give me more insight into the differences. If it does, I'll update this review. Otherwise, I won't be going out of my way again just to see the HFR version only because the difference was negligible for me. I still applaude Peter Jackson's efforts.

Of course, if this catches on, you'll need a new system at home to view this new format but that's not surprising. You'll need a new one for the Dolby Atmos sound also. The theater I saw this movie in was not set up for the new sound system. Neither is my home. In fact, my system only supports Dolby Pro so I am a few versions behind when it comes to sound and haven't moved up to 3D either. It's hard to justify replacing something that still works.

Never Say Good-bye

Today is my sister's birthday, October 24th. She passed away on November 6th, 2004. So I am in a reminiscent mood. I miss our talks very much. We were always close but didn't talk much until my mom passed on. Then I took up my mom's and sister's weekly talks. It was an excuse to stay in contact and help keep what little sanity I felt I still had. It turned out to be a sort of therapy session for both of us and we grew even closer that ever.

Now that she's passed on, I still have discussions with her but I do so miss her hugs. She was never one for hugging but sometime in the past I learned of the importance of hugging. I started doing this everytime I saw her though she resisted greatly. Realizing that the more she struggled, the longer the hugs lasted, she finally gave in and eventually grew to enjoy them and began passing them on to others. I've always felt it was an important break-through in our therapy for both of us.

I guess I mentioned the hugs because I read something today that said "Hugging for 20 seconds releases Oxytocin, which can make someone trust you more." Of course, I did it because the past information I had read said it helped people though I can't recall the benefits. I believe we are all connected and like batteries, physical contact improves the exchange of that energy. I think they are so important to everyone and we don't do it enough!

I also lost my partner the same year my sister passed on. A friend pointed out to me that I often talk of my partner Jerry as if he were still alive. At first, I apologized but upon reflection realized I don't think of death as an ending but a transition. I still have access to them, just not in a physical way (and I do so miss that as mentioned above about hugs!). I carry on conversations and often share what I perceive with others (which I often forget alarms many and puts me in the "crazy" category! So be it.).

This year, I lost one of my closest friends, Teri Taylor, who was only 38 at the time. It was a stroke and I have been more diligent in taking my blood pressure medicine as a way to learn from her death. I carried out the stuff I had stored in my basement for her yesterday with no intention of going through it or keeping anything. Her family had already gone through the stuff and seemed uninterested in making anymore effort to get the rest.

On the way out to get my empty garbage can, I noticed much had been taken but a few things were left. A wicker basket caught my eye since I often use them for gift baskets and looked inside. There were lots of rainbow beads and a ceramic pumpkin so I took it back inside.

The best trip my friend Teri said she ever took was when I treated her to a trip to New Orleans for Southern Decadence (Gay Mardi Gras). And there were the rainbow beads. The ceramic pumpkin represented Halloween which we both loved to celebrate and were planning on doing so together this year. All in a neat wicker basket like a gift for me.

If you don't see this as syncronicity, I understand. Some messages are too personal. Some people aren't ready to see such connections and prefer to live in the world of science only and call it coincidence. For me though, it has been a good day. Sad though I am, I am also reassured and we can all use a bit of that from time to time.

Thanks for stopping by Teri. You're welcome anytime. Love you and miss your hugs!

Namaste,
Ivan

Holier than thou

One of the things I've come to accept is how important it is to be present in the real world. In this modern day of the internet and the many gadgets that allow us to disconnect, I make an effort to minimize this.

The reason is that I struggled for a long time with a desire to leave an impact on the world. Something that would last and that I would be remembered by. My guides told me not to worry so much about this and instead realize the importance of being aware and present for my world tribe. To listen, to learn, to share, and to guide.

Having grown up in the south, namely Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama, I was exposed to a lot of various Christian faiths. The fact that there were so many with such different views is one of the first things that gave me the courage to find my own calling, the Church of ONE. Me. Yup, from preacher to parishiner, I do it all.

When I began encountering so many that tried hard to frighten me or shame me into thinking I was so lost and they were so found, I saw through to this self-rightous belief and for a while, turned my back on all spirituality.

I imersered myself in college and lived a life of science and facts. Even as logical as I was though, the right side of my brain kept pointing things out that the equations just didn't seem to be able to account for.

So once I graduated, I began spending a lot of time with nature. We lived at the end of the road surrounded by farms and pine trees. I began to remember how much I loved that connection to the world and the beautiful trees and parks are what caused me to take a lower paying job in Birmingham and I have always felt I am right where I should be.

Recently, I met a lady I call my teacher. She is wise and loving and supporting. I didn't realize I could love a person so quickly but she means very much to me. She's given me the courage to be myself and has even helped me to be present for those even she has little patience for.

So when someone comes up to me with a desire to talk about Spirituality, I work very hard to remain open as the dialogue changes from an exchange of ideas to them looking down upon me as someone they perceive to be so lost and ignorant. I find it very draining just to let them preach but from my perscpective, they are so brainwashed into believing they have all the answers, it isn't worth my time or energy to attempt to drawn the conversation back to an exchange of ideas.

I resist closing these people out because we are all one tribe and sometimes a person just needs someone to talk to. I left the conversation feeling better for the exchange we did have though it did take some time to sort through their condescention and return to my own center but I was happy I stuck with it. It wss good practice. Learning when to listen and when to speak. Learning and teaching. And just being present.

And as for the guy that is getting his friends to pray for me, as I said, the more the merrier. Though he may find the prayers he sends my way enrich me in ways he didn't intend. But I do appreciate the boost!

Namaste!!!

On the down low

There are many that are part of the LGBT community but keep it secret for a variety of reasons.

In this time of tolerance, companies and their employees publicly state that they support "Diversity" which includes sexual preference but find other execuses to refuse to hire, refuse to promote, and to fire people. It is difficult to prove otherwise.

The same holds true for parental rights. Whether you are trying to keep your children, share parental custody, or adopt, the courts are even more open about considering your sexual prefence as a strike against you.

Religion is often at the root of these moral issues. I personally have found my spirituality to be very important to me. I know it takes a strong person to find their own path when everyone wants to show you their way but I am happy I chose to walk that path instead of giving up entirely.

I have had to struggle recently with the loss of a dear friend, their secrets, and the way I have been treated because I don't keep my sexuality a secret. My emotions run the full spectrum from annoyance to anger to pity and depression. I am exhausted.

But I am also surprised and thankful for where the support sometimes comes. So I keep on going and remain hopeful for the future. I try to be an example of a kind and loving person in the hopes that others will realize that I am no better or worse than most and should have the same rights as everyone in this country.

All Praise the Mighty d'Allah!

It seems many today have truly sold their soul to the Mighty dollar.

We see jobs disappearing and turn a blind eye as if the work all of a sudden is no longer needed. In reality, these jobs are being quietly oursourced to other countries and even the people losing their jobs still support the policies that allow this.

When I worked for one of the Fortune 500 companies as it became more obsessed with the value of its stock and less concerned with the needs of its employees, I saw the writing on the wall.

My group trialed outsourcing and before you knew it, the company had sold a large portion of its employees to an outsourcing firm as if we were just a commodity. The next step was for that company to then shift the jobs overseas. A one-two punch that I suspect is at the root of the mystery of much of our job losses. The work is still there. The workers that contribute to our economy are not.

Just that one Fortune 500 company went from around 105,000 employees to around 35,000. Do the math to see what just the Fortune 500 companies may have outsourced.

Yet it seems so many still support large corporations being able to have a voice through their money. The individual has lost much of its power and yet so many still support the political views that are taking the individual freedoms away and listening (and often profiting) from the corporations.

I will not address the folks profitiing from this worship of money because they don't care and it is unlikely any words will change that. It's like gold fever. More, MORE, MORE!!!

I understand that people should try to contribute to a society. If they can't, I don't believe that should be treated like dirt. Finding that balance isn't easy. Many will try to take advantage of the system and this gives the other side an example of why we should not provide any help. Let's not throw the baby out with the bath water.

If we are to err, let's err on the side of helping people instead of making profits. Just because you are fortunate does not mean everyone has had the same opportunities. Put yourself in someone else's shoes and try to understand things from their point of view. And if you do worship money over people, do you really think that's right?